dirty pretty nothing

beginnewngs

2012-01-03T01:07:00.003+08:00

Top from Forever 21

Shorts from H&M

Unbranded braided belt

Ocean blue sandals from Zara (not pictured)

This is what I wore today, and I am posting it here as something of a new year's resolution. I have quite the list of resolutions! I'm really happy with it, too, because, so far, I have been fulfilling it. :) I'll share that list in a bit, too, since I have a Blogger app on my phone now, which makes for more updates.

Anyway, I'll start with the outfit. This was a quick one. It took me thirty minutes to piece it all together. I was going for something laid-back but smart, and I think I got it.

Another interesting thing! I got to join Pinterest which I am way happy about. It's good vibes all around. Also, I am very happy that the mister and I are back on track because we hit things rough pretty bad last month.

I start school again tomorrow, so it's the last night of the break. Which I am sad about, obviously. I'm so sick of school! And so anxious for university entrance test results. I'm really happy though because I basically crammed everything I had to do for school in the last two days of the break. Yesterday I got to write two papers. Today I wrote two more, made a pinhole camera, recorded a song, wrote retreat letters, drew a cartoon editorial, and managed to have the time to go to the dentist and to have dinner out with my parents and my sister. Good vibes and productivity all around. The only regret I have today is that I didn't get to talk to the mister a lot. :(

So that about ends this post. Goodnight!

a post about lipstick

2011-11-27T20:03:00.001+08:00

What I have so far, in the span of a year(?) or less:

Bloom lipstick in Cranberry
Bobbi Brown lip color in Tulle
Estée Lauder rouge in Fig
The Face Shop lipstick in 13
The Face Shop lipstick in 10

Want:

MAC lipstick in Ruby Woo
MAC lipstick in Russian Red
MAC lipstick in Chili
MAC lipstick in Viva Glam II
Bobbi Brown rouge in Old Hollywood 2
Youngblood lipstick in Coral Beach
Youngblood lipstick in Vixen
Youngblood lipstick in Honey Nut
Smashbox lipstick in Delightful
Smashbox lipstick in Splendid
Smashbox lipstick in Pout (unless it doesn't stay on my lips)
Smashbox lipstick in Beautiful
TheBalm The Balm Girls™ in Mia Moore
TheBalm The Balm Girls™ in Amanda Kissmylips
TheBalm The Balm Girls™ in Anita Boytoy
TheBalm The Balm Girls™ in Ima Goodkisser
TheBalm The Balm Girls™ in Foxxy Pout
TheBalm The Balm Girls™ in Mai Billsbepaid

I may rethink a lot of the things on my Want list when I try them on, EXCEPT the MAC and the Bobbi Brown products because you can never go wrong with MAC or Bobbi Brown. But these colors looked really nice on the website! :) Recc me more brands and shades if you like, dear readers. :)

congratulations

2011-11-26T22:57:00.002+08:00

every week you make me cry

*

I have never seen this blog so full of negativity all the time.

tips to myself to avoid bad vibes

2011-11-26T22:50:00.000+08:00

keep the debater at bay
don't tweet about it
don't prolong things
keep it in and never let it out
be okay because half the time no one else can make me okay and for the other half, the only one who can is the one making me feel not okay
family helps tons

2011-11-15T23:35:00.002+08:00

No one cares enough to make sure I go to sleep smiling.

realizations

2011-11-11T22:25:00.000+08:00

Self-image problems are tiring (and endlessly depressing) things to have. And because depression is depressing, it's a never-ending chain of negativity.
I feel bad for not acting on my self-image problems.
I am pretty proud of myself for keeping myself grounded and focused on the things I should be prioritizing and the things that make me happy.
I really have to lose this fat.
I'm never going to know what she really thinks of me.

This laptop could not have come at a better time. It's a perfectly good distraction from thinking too much about this.

In other news, I have way too many places to put down what I'm thinking – I have this blog for random updates, my actual diary that I've been keeping for almost three years now, a plain notebook for story ideas, a ruled Moleskine for my Leonardo da Vinci tendencies (that is to say – theories, psychoanalyses, inventions, other such ideas), and a Word document for things too obscene/profane/vulgar/shameful to Tweet. Because I have so much outlets I don't actually get to say anything because I have to think about where to write things and with those thoughts, what I was going to write about slips from my head.

That's all I'm trying to say, I guess.

But I did have a great 11/11. I got to spend some time with the mister, so that's always great news. :)

i will cry

2011-10-27T00:55:00.002+08:00

but i'm not sure if it's out of hurt or anger or both or neither

95% of the time

2011-10-25T20:50:00.002+08:00

I hate my face.

i'm putting this here because this is the most personal part of me on the internet, aside from brainrose. Twitter is skin-deep, there's hardly anything substantial about me in there except things that interest me or conversations with people who happen to be online at the same time. so i'm putting this here, because 1 this is where i put everything i can't on twitter; 2 hardly anybody cares to check this, and; 3 i have this need to say something anything publicly, even if it's personal, even if i shouldn't. so since that fact is inescapable here i am screaming the magma in my veins to the place with the smallest audience.

sometimes i want to blow my face off. i hate my face. i hate my body, i hate my skin, even my very fingers, my toes, my thighs, my legs, the numbers on the scale. i hate everything. i am never far from smashing mirrors when i look at myself. i hate my face.

the one day i wanted to be pretty. the one day.

so many feelings ugh i hate this.

i hate my face.

(the hint of a) spark

2011-10-16T02:38:00.002+08:00

So, lately, my life's been pretty weird. School is hard, and some (let some be a ridiculous amount of) drama went down, and the mister and I are booming. All in the first half of October. It's actually been a less-than-spectacular month thus far, and the only thing making it great is the mister, who's been truly wonderful since the dawn of time but exceptionally so this month, since it's my birth month, and all.

What I'm saying it's been a rough month.

But today made things so much better. I had a really good day. :) I actually started the morning really weirdly... I spent the morning reading about a serial killer and an analysis of his psyche. Then I spent the rest of the day all over the Internet, until about three in the afternoon. I got ready to go out with my mother, and we went to reserve tables for my birthday dinner on Friday. Then we had dinner at Cyma, shopped for a gift for my amazing grandmother (whose birthday is today, since it's 1.34AM already), and tried to look for a birthday dress for me.

More about the dress thing, since this is sort of relevant – our first stop was Zara, which has never let me down ever before, but I guess that was because I wasn't looking for dresses then. I didn't find any dresses that was prom-level enough – in fact, I think I hardly found any dresses at all. (But! A quick stop at TRF unveiled new trends. It's leopard print and nude colors all up in here.) After that unsuccessful venture into Zara, Mom and I went to Rustans because I remember seeing this pretty all right dress on the rack from the last time we were there. Found it again today and it wasn't as nice as I remember it. Found this great Jessica McClintock dress and tried it on, and it was not meant for people with curves of any kind. I had no problem fitting into that dress, it just didn't look nice on me. Which is a shame – it was pretty great, but I'm glad I don't have a rectangular figure. This Coke-bottle-depending-on-the-time is working pretty well for me. Anyway, after the Jessica dress let me down, Mom and I (surprise, surprise) ended up in the make-up section. We were at Bobbi Brown first, then I gravitated (literally, I wasn't even thinking of it) towards MAC, and uuuugh, Ruby Woo! When will you be mine! Ruby Woo is my dream lipstick. That, and Russian Red. Both from MAC.

Be mine, Ruby Woo and Russian Red. Be mine.

And then I happened upon Chanel, and swiped a bit of the nail polish on my thumbnail while the saleswoman wasn't looking. So now I have Chanel nail lacquer in Paradoxical on half of my left thumbnail. It's a gorgeous color though, my mom loves it. She actually wailed a bit when she saw it.

Anyway, after Rustans, Mom and I got back in our car, and went to meet up with the rest of the family to watch Real Steel, which was so much better than I thought it would be. Got home at nearly midnight. 2.29AM now.

To make this day even better, the mister said he had a fun day, which really made me happy. For obvious reasons. I miss him so much right now. He has been so incredible, leaving letters and gifts and doing all sorts of things for me this month. Everyday. I am so lucky.

Anyways, I just choked while singing and I'm clogging up my own Twitter feed, so I'm taking this as a sign to go to sleep. Goodnight!

from under moonbeams

2011-09-25T23:36:00.000+08:00

Senior year is not an easy year. The workload is terrible, Math is challenging all the time, Physics is just something I'm never going to understand, even English is demanding, Econ is getting really confusing, Filipino is so difficult, and my elective is something I'm not even interested in anymore. Sleep is a really, really hard thing to come across. Plus there's worrying about college, and college entrance exams and application forms.

With so much happening it's so easy to overlook how beautiful things are.

Two days ago, I finally watched Rio and one of the songs really struck me. I told myself I'd Google it after I finish the movie, but I didn't.

Tonight the mister sang it to me over Skype. I didn't tell him anything about my wanting to get the song. It was such a great coincidence, and I'm feeling much lighter about things now.

So much love.

Also, so much books to read, so much schoolwork to do, so much sleep lost.

Goodnight!

the sound of sirens

2011-09-18T22:59:00.000+08:00

Just wanted to leave a small update.

Yesterday I took the entrance test for the college I really want to go to. Results come out Jan 25. Every day is just a count down 'til then. I'm praying so hard that I get in.

Also, I have a queue of four books to read since The Biggest Test of My Life is over.

In the order in which I'm reading them –

Before Ever After by Samantha Sotto
Invisible Monsters by Chuck Palahniuk
One Hundred Years of Solitude by Gabriel Garcia Marquez
Para Kay B by Ricky Lee

panacea

2011-09-03T21:58:00.001+08:00

So unhappy all the time. Anyone know the cure to this?

new dirty new pretty new nothing

2011-09-02T00:44:00.001+08:00

DPN has a new look, which means two things –
1 I'm back, and
2 I'm going to start doing this again.

The funny thing about the theme is that it's completely basic, and it was already a preset color scheme. I just used it because I thought it would be fitting. Fitting to a couple things, the first being that I have truly changed quite a bit since my last post, and much, much more since my first post. Fitting because I am going for a simpler, more minimalist approach to DPN's theme. I want the words to speak more than the background. And, finally, fitting because I do quite adore this color. It isn't my favorite, but it's pretty.

Anyways, I resolve to post on here a lot more often! I have entered the last seven months of my high school life and I want it well-documented. And I just really want to maintain a blog that lasts years and years, and hopefully this is it. In my absence I created another blog, but I think what I envisioned for it was better in theory than in execution. I'm abandoning that blog of bad vibes now, and shall delete it in the future, maybe.

So, I'll be doing blog posts differently now, with this:

Now playing (music/movie)
Now wearing
Now in

at the beginning of every post starting on the next. All future posts will also be tagged. I'll be posting book reviews, movie reviews, more high school drama rants, narrations that could maybe possibly border on pretentious, a bit about what's going on with me, a lot about what I'm doing. It should be fun. I'm a lot more determined to maintain DPN now.

think you'll understand

2011-06-05T03:26:00.001+08:00

I was scrolling through my friend's YouTube channel, and found this in her favorites. I didn't expect much of it for some reason, but fifteen seconds later, I was kissing the feet of my patience because damn.

This just... this awakened a lot of feelings in me, and I instantly started bawling. The whole song is so personal, and warm, and tender, and gentle, and it just feels like I'm staring at the face I love above all other faces, and there's so much light everywhere (I've said this somewhere in this blog, but – light is my favorite existing thing ever, so that's saying a lot), and all that sunlight is just hitting his face so right. And all I can do is stare because everything is so perfect.

It feels like I'm in a park and we're on a bench and his head is on my lap and my hand is absentmindedly playing with his hair, and the other is holding a book up to my eye-level, and he's humming or something, or trying to talk to me, or tapping away on his phone, and it's just. I can live in that scene forever.

I don't even know, dear readers.

I just love her voice, and this song, and the things it makes me think of.

the sixth

2011-05-26T03:56:00.001+08:00

6. I don't think there's anyone out there more for me than you. Nobody in this big, big universe.

choose love, choose life

2011-05-20T02:00:00.000+08:00

So a lot has been going on in my life lately – or, the same things for a quite while, and I feel like I'm aimlessly walking around now. I need to get back on track and, like... have a goal again. And a song by the Submarines called "You, Me, & the Bourgeoisie" played on my iTunes, which got me thinking.

Things to do to "get back on track"

Find out what track this is.
Get new music weekly.
Prioritize school properly again.
Start writing important notes down so I don't forget.
Love.
Be patient.

So, anyway – I'm supposed to be asleep. The mister would be real mad if he knew I was still up.

I'm downloading five mixtapes, and a playlist. At least I know I got #2 down.

Goodnight, guys.

i get high with a little help from my friends

2011-05-07T01:45:00.000+08:00

For some reason, for the first time in a... strangely long time, I felt compelled to blog about what I did today.

I'm an incoming high school senior, which means I'm going to have to take college entrance tests really, really soon, so one month of my summer is dedicated to review classes, where one is re-taught things he/she already knows, so his/her memory is jogged and the chances of passing the entrance test are higher.

Review classes are terrible. Actually... I always get the fun teachers. I get the really good teachers. But I am in no way motivated to study at all, so I have not been the best student. I'm taking review with Ja, though, so it isn't that bad. Things are quite fun, actually. It's just the actual studying part that is the problem.

So, anyway – I started my day watching StarKid Productions' Starship, and got to Act 1 Part 5 before my attention span sort of clipped itself and decided watching videos of 9/11 on YouTube would somehow be ideal. It wasn't ideal. It was terrible. It made me really, really sad, and this was 10.30 in the morning.

And then I proceeded to getting ready for review, which starts at 1PM from Monday to Friday. So I got ready.

1PM to 5PM is defined, very accurately, by nouns, pronouns, verbs, adverbs, adjectives, prepositions, conjunctions, interjections, sentence correction, parallelism, and completion of sentences. Which is actually a lot more droning than it sounds.

And then things get interesting!

After review, Mia, Ja, and I picked up Erk at McDonald's and went to my place so I could change costume (and by "costume," I mean shoes and bag). Then we dropped Mia off at her place, picked Mandy up, and went to East to meet with Mark, the birthday boy.

When Ja, Erk, Mandy, and I got there, we bought a Stitch (as in, Lilo and Stitch) stuffed toy and gave it to Mark. Then, as usual, we proceeded to buy food and then we watched Thor, which was a cool movie, though nowhere near impeccable.

I make things sound bland and monotonous now, but it was a really fun night and I'm just tired, I guess. I am so blessed to have these people in my life.

So... despite the absence – yes, dear readers. I am not dead. I have not died, I am still here. And living, more than ever.

2011-02-18T23:05:00.001+08:00

i'm just waiting, i don't know how else to put it

there she goes

2011-01-22T02:05:00.000+08:00

Highlights of Jan 14 to Jan 21

January 21 – Went to Eli's house with Mandy and Erk and had a really good time, which we have actual photographic evidence of, for once
January 15 – Dad's birthday. Had a super fun time in the pool playing water basketball with my cousins and siblings
January 19 – My plan was put into action. Or: Ja asked Eli to prom the way I told him to. And Erk, Mark, and I saw it happen. Also my first time to eat at Kamirori. Not bad.
January 14 – Went out with my cousin and my sister, and finally got to buy the lip balm that is now responsible for completing my life
ALL WEEK LONG – Been so obsessed with Lonely Island
January 18 – Snuck Eli out of school, went to my place, walked to the park, ended up having to run from the park back to my house for the car because her ride was at school already and we had to get her there pronto

There's probably more, but I'm really tired right now and probably have that ungodly-hour-of-day memory gap thing, so... Goodnight, goodnight.

a universe unmanned

2011-01-21T00:45:00.000+08:00

I've been thinking maybe I should keep a separate blog for things that interest me (like books, and music, movies, and all), and then this one for the things that happen in my life.

But all I pretty much get to write on here about are books and music and movies, so... I guess a separate blog would mean the death of this one. Which shouldn't be the case.

Also I have a headache and everything is difficult to understand so I'll just go to bed now.

come and take me away

2011-01-17T00:43:00.000+08:00

Well, well, well.

I've really nothing to say. It's getting late and I should really be asleep because I have to be up in less than six hours. But I thought I should drop by and post a little bit.

If you understand Filipino, then please, please do get a copy of a movie called My Amnesia Girl. At first glance one might think it was a(nother) cheap rip-off of an American show (in this case would be 50 First Dates), but I assure you – it is leagues away from 50 First Dates. And it is thoroughly, thoroughly enjoyable.

Also, I am so, so in love with Wuthering Heights by Emily Brontë at the moment. I can't stop reading it in class, and I can quote my favorite bits from memory now, right down to its punctuation.

Also, I posted on Geese today. A poem about death and aging. Backstory: I wrote it because it was Zero's homework to write a poem with those themes, and she couldn't be assed to, so she asked me to do it, and I gladly took the opportunity. Not sure if she's passing it or whatever, but I'm pretty proud of it so I thought I'd put it up, too. Note: Not that I condone plagiarism. She had my permission. What I do support is friends helping each other with homework.

Also, another note on the poem – I know writers aren't supposed to explain themselves, but I really wanted someone to get this. So if you want to get it for yourself, don't read the rest of the sentences in this paragraph. Anyway, if you notice, the poem starts out with rhyme and some sort of beat – and then as the poem goes on, it's just prose and broken story lines. That was done for a purpose. The fading out of the rhyme was meant to invoke a sense of urgency and desperation, as if the persona didn't have any time to waste, so he didn't have enough time to rhyme. And the full stops towards the end indicate things slowing down and coming to a halt.

That's it, I guess.

Goodnight, everyone, see you next week.

5:04 PM

2011-01-11T17:06:00.000+08:00

What I need more than anything is a break. Doesn't even have to be a nice break spent in some sort of warm and soothing beach, or a beautiful log cabin in the woods, or anywhere anywhere anywhere. I just want an honest-to-God break, in my room, by myself. Just me and my copy of Wuthering Heights – no stress, and nothing to do, no one to bother me. Just me alone in my solitude, all smiles and calmness.

from what i can tell

2011-01-10T23:54:00.001+08:00

The time is 11:48PM, AKA bedtime.

I just thought maybe I should give a quick update on here, because I haven't done that in a while. I'm reading Wuthering Heights for school and I actually really love it. It took me quite some time to warm up to it (quite some time = about two weeks spent on page 36), but everything starts to pick up in Chapter 4, basically because that's where Nelly Dean starts narrating. I cannot stand Lockwood! How dense must a man be to let his own vanity cloud his narration!

Anyway I'm not really sure anymore where I intend on going with this. But my back hurts from sitting on this unbearably uncomfortable chair, so I shall retire to my bed and continue reading.

Believe me well and I shall do the same for you all. Find me at sinead. Goodnight.

PS: The title of this post is from a song called "Water in Hell" by Broken Social Scene. It's a great song, everyone check it out.

PPS: Today I also decided that the Byronic hero is my favorite archetype. See: Batman, Spiderman, Edmond Dantes from Count of Monte Cristo, Dorian Gray from Picture of Dorian Gray, Severus Snape, Tyler Durden from Fight Club, Anakin Skywalker, Heathcliff. Love, and love, and love.

orchestrating, very cleverly, over there

2011-01-01T02:25:00.000+08:00

Happy New Year, everyone! I spent mine at home, because we'd just moved in in this area and we wanted to see what it was like spending New Years Eve in the village.

And it was pretty good! We spent the last hours of 2010 on the roofdeck, overlooking cities upon cities and mountains. It was a weird fusion of urban and rural, but it was so lovely, because the fireworks did not discriminate. There were fireworks everywhere, a complete 360 degrees. It was breathtaking. And, and this is such a cliché, but – Katy Perry's "Firework" was playing the whole time. Normally I would've been all like, "Wow, how tacky is this," but in the moment I just felt like it really fit, as an overall send-off for 2010.

I didn't write a single memoir about 2010 and how much I've changed, because it's written to the bones of me, how much I've changed in the past year. How things – and which things – made me who I am now. 2010 Mint is definitely a keeper. I'm comfortable with who I am now, and I am much more confident in who I am, which matters. I didn't write about the highlights, or any specifics. I know a lot of people think 2010 was a crap year, but 2009 was a lot worse for me.

But anyway, it's two in the morning and I need sleep. Been so sleep-deprived lately, so I'll keep this brief.

The main purpose of this post is:

2011 RESOLUTIONS

Start thinking before I talk, and minding my grammar (verbal and in writing).
Write at least one short story every week.
Read more books.
Save more money.
Be more generous.
Have hippie awakenings a la Jason Mraz more often.
Take risks. Have a sense of adventure and the general spirit of Renaissance curiosity.
Practice dedication, gratitude, and selflessness.

What are your resolutions?

you look like a tin can

2010-12-27T11:56:00.001+08:00

It's Christmas break so I have a lot of time for everything. It's been a week and so far I've watched TRON:Legacy and a Darren Criss gig at Greenbelt. Good times.

Actually, more about Tron – Cill is in. Yes, that Cill. And naturally that was the only reason I bothered to watch the movie. He was in that two-hour Daft Punk music video for two minutes. Which were the best two minutes in the movie, I think. The whole movie was very nice to look at, though, in the sense that it was aesthetically pleasing. Superb effects. (Side note: Cillian was better to look at, though. I saw him and I was like WHO IS THAT HIPSTER POKEMON)

And Darren Criss was incredible! My best friend Zero got to meet him during the TriNoma date and she's still melting. He just has such an amazing vibe. He can project any emotion he wants to, and he does it so skillfully. He went from playful and giddy to honest and pleading. Everything was so heartfelt. He just emits a certain energy that makes anybody want to listen to him forever. It was great.

And surprise, surprise – I've been watching a craaapload of stuff. This whole break I've been leaning towards more lighthearted things with the exception of Boy A and Perrier's Bounty. Partly.

List of things I have watched/rewatched in the past week

The whole of Big Bang Theory. All of it. In four days. I love it so immensely. It's the funniest show ever, I think. Sincerely.
Watching the Detectives. Rewatch, actually, but I love it more and more every time I see it.
Zombieland, which I adore! It's so funny and it made me want to smother Jesse Eisenberg in hugs and kisses more than Social Network did. I thought it was such a brilliant movie with such perfect actors who were so fit for their roles.
Adventureland. It was an enjoyable movie. Mostly I just watched it for Jesse. He definitely didn't disappoint. I worry a little bit, though – he was basically the same character he was in Zombieland, except with weed and no guns. I worry repeating characters might be a mistake, but nevertheless: Adventureland definitely, definitely isn't a bump in his career, I think. Jesse was excellent.
Love Actually. Rewatch, for the Christmas season. I didn't even notice it was Martin Freeman the first time I watched it. It's just such an adorable movie. I don't think any seven-million-stories-within-a-movie could ever work quite as well as this one did.
On the Edge. Rewatch, because it was Christmas Eve. Oh, this movie. I love it so much. It actually isn't very cheerful like the others, but it always gets me thinking. It just isn't your average movie, I guess. Jonathan's speech at the bowling alley when he was protecting Toby always, always gets me. That scene is such a heartstopper for me.
Boy A. Broke my heart into a million tiny pieces. Andrew Garfield is just stunning. He has such a presence. I'm not sure anybody else could have pulled that role off.
Angus, Thongs, and Perfect Snogging, which I didn't like as much as people in my year did. I just found Georgia supremely unlikeable. I think Aaron Johnson got me to stay and see it through to the end, though. I love his voice so much, it soothes me.
Perrier's Bounty. First of all, Cill was very, very, very good-looking in this movie. He always is, and I'll always find him gorgeous, even in the dark, but here he had a little stubble thing going on and he just looked so amazing. I certainly wouldn't call it my favorite movie of his, but as usual, he delivers and steals the show always always always, and it's actually pretty funny, too, so give it a shot. It's entertaining, and the performances are stellar.

Also, it's been so cold in the Philippines lately. Chilly. I wear socks at home just to keep my feet warm.

And, drum roll, the song of the moment!

I love this song so much. It's in the Watching the Detectives soundtrack and I'd just noticed it sounded familiar the second time I watched it. I IMDb'd it, and there it was – Band of Horses. Knew it. It's an incredible song. I wish it were longer.

Well. That's it for now, I guess. Happy holidays, dear readers!

to kids from one to ninety-two

2010-12-25T09:17:00.001+08:00

Happy holidays, everyone! I hope everyone's feeling the Christmas spirit, because I definitely am.

something dumb to do

2010-12-09T22:46:00.000+08:00

It's 10:30 PM and I have classes tomorrow. I should be sleeping, but I came up with a list of things I could/will do instead of go to bed.

List of things I could/will do instead of going to bed

Watch Watching the Detectives
Read about Wuthering Heights on Sparknotes (Side note: I watched the 2009 TV movie version of this, the one that stars Tom Hardy and Catherine Riley. It was brilliant. I cried.)
Write.
Fix Geese, which I have partly done
Study for finals next week

Jeez. Every time I think about finals I want to punch things, pull my hair out, and throw everything I own out the window so I don't get distracted by anything. Obviously that isn't happening but I for real have to redeem myself. Exams, after all, should be my forte.

help me make the most of freedom

2010-12-06T00:04:00.000+08:00

The weekdays are hectic and the weekends are full. I've been so busy lately, and when I'm not busy doing something for real, I'm busy procrastinating. It's been tiring.

Anyway, all of this week I felt like I was wearing an invisible Horcrux around my neck. I've been so negative and pessimistic and irritable and I'd taken it out on my family and this new house that I am so, so very blessed to live in. But that's all over now. My mom treated me to a manicure and a pedicure and I got to do it by myself, which she knows I appreciate. Being pampered does calm me, and solitude even moreso.

Also, I never thought I'd be able to say this, but I have absolutely no laptop memory-related problems to speak of. What I'm lacking now is time. I have probably more than ten movies I need to get around to watching, and I'm downloading three more as I type this. And bunches, and bunches of TV shows to watch. But anyway, the latest movie I watched (besides Disco Pigs, which I watched yesterday at 1AM – brilliant movie, and Ja did a review of it!) is Cherrybomb and I loved it so much. I definitely recommend it to the very same audience of Skins – and maybe even if you didn't like Skins (which is completely unreasonable, by the way). Watch it. I didn't even think of Rupert as Ron, at all, and Robert Sheehan is just incredible.

Next week is finals week for me, whose ass I really need to kick, so I'm not going to be on this weekend. Love and light to all you readers. Go and get yourself acquainted with the talent of Cill Murphy.

apologies for not updating

2010-11-14T09:21:00.000+08:00

All my 30 day meme posts are on Tumblr, though. I'll try to cross-post here, too, from now on.

#3: Peter and Carlos Effect

2010-11-03T19:06:00.000+08:00

Day 03 – Your views on drugs and alcohol

I subscribe to the Greek thinking that everything should be taken in moderation. So if you want to drink, then go drink, but once alcohol starts becoming the thing that governs your life (as in, it’s what you buy even when you have no money) then I do believe there’s a problem in that. I guess where I take issue in for real is when someone’s drinking and drug abuse starts hurting the people around him or her. Do whatever you want to your body, but when it directly affects the people around you, then, I think, there’s something terribly wrong in that.

#2: Wanderlust

2010-11-02T13:17:00.003+08:00

Day 02 – Where you'd like to be in 10 years

I'd love to be somewhere else. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love the Philippines and everyone and most of everything here. I just want to travel and see as much of the world as I possibly can. I'd love to be somewhere in Europe or in NYC or in Chicago or in Barcelona or Monaco.

Honestly I kind of want to be everywhere, in ten years, in terms of location.

But I wish in ten years I'll find something to do with my life. Or better yet, be a writer. Maybe I'll be a journalist, or an architect, or a lawyer, or something else entirely that I haven't even thought of yet. I wish it's the writer part, though. I really, really do.

cross-posted on my Tumblr

distance

2010-11-02T01:41:00.000+08:00

I am literally not ready to go to school yet. I don't think anyone is, anyway.

It's 1.16 AM right now, and I have school in thirty hours. That's tomorrow. Which I have in no way prepared for. I have yet to find a story to critique for my final paper for English (and, more importantly, I've yet to care), and I have six whole chapters of Wuthering Heights to read. I have a chapter of my Social Studies book to read, and, I gather from my classmates' Tweets, it's a long ass chapter. And I know there's a bunch of other crap I have to do for school but I cannot find it in me to care enough right now. I can only worry.

What's troublesome is the fact that I'm more worried I can't finish all the movies and TV shows I've downloaded this sembreak. I have 28 Days Later..., Inception, Perrier's Bounty, Amelie, Disco Pigs, The Social Network, a whole season of Merlin, half of the second series of The Office UK, and a rewatch of On the Edge, which I really, really loved, and whose soundtrack is all I can listen to at the moment. And a long-postponed rewatch of every Sherlock episode, too.

And I committed myself to NaNoWriMo. If anybody's interested, I'm bilo cotliar over there. I like the plot I'm working with. I'm five hundred words in on Day One, and by the end of this week, I should be around the fifteen thousand word mark.

Tonight I have no plans on sleeping, because I am going through a very longwinded internal conflict (bladder vs. laziness, as usual), and because I want to get as much movies done as possible. But I'm guessing I'm going to fall asleep at around four AM, maybe. It's the last night to stay up.

I am really, really not ready for Wednesday, and I really, really don't want to go back to school yet. I'm going to be so exhausted when the week ends and all I'd want to do is watch Due Date. Which I think is going to be a hilarious film.

Side note: Peacock was such a ride. I watched it earlier today and I'm still so captivated by Cillian's performance in it. So unforgettable. I hate that it was released straight to DVD. If it had gone to the theaters, it would've gotten the recognition it deserves. Not because it was an incredible movie or anything. Cill's acting in it was just flawless, I think he definitely saved that movie from attaining the shipwreck status. He shows just how talented he is in that movie. It's five million middle fingers directed at everyone who has ever won an Oscar for Best Actor.

Other side note: If you don't want to watch On the Edge (please know that there are no possible reasons for this; it's really just a lapse in your judgment. It's going to kill your Internet? Oh well. No space in your laptop? Delete your iTunes. Don't like Cill? Watch it anyway. Yeah. I loved it that much.), at least get its OST. I love it, I've had it on repeat for the past two days. I've liked Smashing Pumpkins' sound since I was eleven (which is, like... four years ago, if my math is correct), but I hadn't heard 1979 'til it was used in On the Edge. My jaw literally dropped, and that's only happened once before (the song was "Forbidden Friendship" on How to Train Your Dragon.). Now I love that song so much. Funny thing is I just realized yesterday that my uncle had actually given me Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness, so I could've known about that song ages ago.

But anyway, I'm gonna get on watching something now. Goodnight.

#1: Not double

2010-11-01T23:33:00.002+08:00

Day 01 – Your current relationship, if single describe how single life is

Part 1: Single life is lovely
I’m single, and I’m not committed to anybody at all. It’s nice, because I’m not chained to anybody. I don’t have to think about what he’s going to think of my new haircut or my new dress or my new whatever. (Not that I’m saying everyone in a relationship should consider what his or her partner would think before doing anything, no – I’m just saying what I would do, if I were in a relationship.) I’m free to obsess over whoever I feel like – Kris, Cill, Jake, Colin, Benedict, Martin Freeman, Peter, the list gets longer – without comparing and ultimately making myself feel like I just settled for something. So, yeah, it’s fun, being single. Plus I haven’t really met the guy yet to change that.

Part 2: Single life is lonely
This part goes without saying. Y’know. It gets lonely.

Part 3: Single life is okay
But it’s fine. I have faith that Mr Right’ll come along someday.

Also,

Part 4: I’m currently in a relationship with my laptop
I just love it so much. It’s always there for me, it gives me gifts all the time, it doesn’t get jealous when I give all my attention to my fandoms and the Internet – in fact, it even loves it, because that’s how we bond. My laptop knows me very, very well, and I completely trust it with all my secrets until someone figures out how to work my folders.

cross-posted from my tumblr

forever and a day

2010-10-28T00:18:00.001+08:00

New thirty-day challenge! I honestly find this really interesting. I'm all for it. And I'm not going to half-ass this like the last one.

Day 01 - Your current relationship, if single discuss how single life is.
Day 02 - Where you’d like to be in 10 years.
Day 03 - Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 04 - Your views on religion.
Day 05 - A time you thought about ending your own life.
Day 06 - Write 30 interesting facts about yourself.
Day 07 - Your zodiac sign and if you think it fits your personality.
Day 08 - A moment you felt the most satisfied with your life.
Day 09 - How you hope your future will be like.
Day 10 - Discuss your first love and first kiss.
Day 11 - Put your ipod on shuffle and write 10 songs that pop up.
Day 12 - Bullet your whole day.
Day 13 - Somewhere you’d like to move or visit.
Day 14 - Your earliest memory.
Day 15 - Your favorite tumblrs.
Day 16 - Your views on mainstream music.
Day 17 - Your highs and lows of this past year.
Day 18 - Your beliefs.
Day 19 - Disrespecting your parents.
Day 20 - How important you think education is.
Day 21 - One of your favorite shows.
Day 22 - How have you changed in the past 2 years?
Day 23 - Give pictures of 5 guys who are famous who you find attractive.
Day 24 - Your favorite movie and what it’s about.
Day 25 - Someone who fascinates you and why.
Day 26 - What kind of person attracts you.
Day 27 - A problem that you have had.
Day 28 - Something that you miss.
Day 29 - Goals for the next 30 days.
Day 30 - Your highs and lows of this month

This whole be cross-posted from my Tumblr.

And, yes. The title of this post is from a Bieber song. No shame.

sembreak movie + tv list!

2010-10-25T10:33:00.001+08:00

TV SHOWS

Merlin. I've got some catching up to do. I have all of season 2 already, but I haven't started watching it yet.
The Office
The Office UK
Doctor Who

MOVIES

Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
Van Gogh: Painted With Words
Requiem for a Dream
Memento

CILL'S MOVIES

This is his entire filmography, by the way. I get obsessive.
Underlined the movies I've already seen.

Inception (2010)
Peacock (2010)
Perrier's Bounty (2009)
The Dark Knight (2008) – His role here was so miniscule. It was upsetting.
The Edge of Love (2008)
Waveriders (2008)
Watching the Detectives (2007)
Sunshine (2007)
The Wind That Shakes the Barley (2006)
Breakfast on Pluto (2005)
Red Eye (2005)
Batman Begins (2005)
Cold Mountain (2003)
Girl With a Pearl Earring (2003)
Intermission (2003)
Zonad (2003)
28 Days Later... (2002)
How Harry Became a Tree (2001)
Disco Pigs (2001)
On the Edge (2001)
The Trench (1999)
Sunburn (1999)
Sweety Barrett (1998)

Obviously, I still have a lot of catching up to do. Which is great! I love covering new territory.

HEATH'S MOVIES
Forever my favorite actor.

The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus (2010)
The Dark Knight (2008)
I'm Not There. (2007)
Candy (2006)
Casanova (2005)
Brokeback Mountain (2005)
The Brothers Grimm (2005)
Lords of Dogtown (2005)
The Order (2003)
Ned Kelly (2003)
The Four Feathers (2002)
Monster's Ball (2001)
A Knight's Tale (2001)
The Patriot (2000)
Two Hands (1999)
10 Things I Hate About You (1999)
Paws (1997)

Ah, movies. I love 'em.

enter, my dream guy

2010-10-25T01:15:00.001+08:00

This is Cillian Murphy, best known as Jim from 28 Days Later..., Scarecrow from Batman Begins, Jack Rippner from Red Eye, and Fischer from Inception. Also, he is also pretty much the personification of every idea of a perfect man I've ever had.

Allow me to enumerate his splendor.

Cheekbones. Freakin' cheekbones. And not just that – his bone structure is just completely ace. His shoulderblades, his spine, his ribs, they all come out perfectly.
His first love is music, and he's got such a good taste in it. I love it when I can learn things from someone else's taste in music, as long as that person's taste in music is around the parameters of my own. And his just fits mine perfectly. (Other examples of this: Daniel Radcliffe. He got me into Pulp, British Sea Power, Arcade Fire, Strokes, Sex Pistols, and most importantly, the Libertines. Danrad pretty much opened a new door for me and widened my knowledge of music.)
Acting ability. He has a penchant for playing psychopaths. He absolutely loves it. And every time, I get so afraid of him. For real. When I watched Disco Pigs (which I probably can never watch again ever), I couldn't look at him for days, because Pig scared me so much. His role in Red Eye is plenty creepy, too. And then he suddenly flips, and he becomes heads from tails – he was so amazing in Breakfast on Pluto, and he was so easy to slip into in Watching the Detectives. I've yet to watch a movie of his wherein he didn't completely and utterly he was that same character in real life. All his faces are so natural. He is a chameleon.
Accents. He's so good at them. He's Irish, and back in '01, he had a really, really, really, really, really, really exponentially thick Irish accent. I couldn't understand a word he said in Disco Pigs. I wanted to cry. But then I watched his other stuff, and he does a great American accent in Watching the Detectives, Inception, and Red Eye, too. His Irish accent tamed, too, because in this interview from this year, I can actually pick out what he's saying.
This song gets me every time. This, too.
His heart doesn't run around. He's been with his wife since 2004, and they have two children together, and before that, they've been long-term boyfriend and girlfriend. He's loyal and he knows how to stay in love – and he knows how to have someone stay in love with him, too, which is obviously saying something. (That he's perfect, of course).
He reads. Writers, such as myself, like readers. Especially readers with good taste.

There are obviously loads more reasons why I love him so much, but it's one in the morning here and I just want to sleep at this point. It's midyear break for me now, so I don't have school for all of this week, which means I get to watch everything I can. Also, did I mention, the very lovely Zero gave me a portable hard disk? The thing has more memory than my laptop, so I can download virtually anything at all now. But I'm using it in moderation, just to save some space.

I'll post the list tomorrow. I'm so tired right now. Goodnight, everyone.

don't stop, don't change

2010-10-16T23:54:00.000+08:00

I've been trying to start writing again. I think by the time I sort myself out, I'm ready for NaNoWriMo so let's see where things go. Today I started my 10 Ideas Per Day Challenge again, where I come up with ten prompts for myself for whenever. I used to do this for a time last year but it became a challenge for real, so I stopped. But it's back.

I guess the reason I'm typing all of this up is because I have so much to do tomorrow and I'm not sure where to start. Actually, I do know. I'm starting in church, giving out ID's to the children and writing their names. Then, I'm going to start on my English paper there, handwritten, and if I give up on that, then I start reading Social. All in all, when I get home, all I should be doing is my paper and printing pictures. And immersing myself in the Sherlock BBC fandom.

All I have to say right now, really, is that being in the Sherlock fandom is so lovely. Three relevant(-to-me) levels – the actual books, the 2009 movie, and the series, and countless other things. It's so perfect.

Goodnight, stay beautiful.

to be

2010-10-16T13:39:00.000+08:00

The only thing I want to do with my life is write. I just want to write.

I want to love, I want to be happy, I want a family, I want money, I want to give my parents the absolute best, but I feel like I can't do any of that if I couldn't write. I want fame and fortune and glamor and designer shoes and free backstage passes (a screaming crowd, and a line for autographs, even). I want to travel, I want to plant my face on European ground and grow like the romance of their languages, I want to understand everything and answer all my questions, all of everyone's questions. I want to know why, how, and where science and religion don't agree and I want to find a way to go back in time and pinpoint the first signs of damage and fix it, quick.

But most of all – more than anything – I just want to write. If I could just write all the time, I would. That's all I want to do, if I never get to do anything else.

I feel like the only way I can be is if I write.

on the inside

2010-10-09T20:58:00.000+08:00

Today's been a drag. An absolute drag.

I woke up at nearly eight in the morning and had Starbucks for breakfast with my mom. After that I started studying, because finals is this week.

I am not kidding when I say I've been reading Noli Me Tangere the whole day. With breaks, of course. But the thing is I'm still not done, because I have a killer headache. I've been having headaches a lot recently. It's kind of scary, and it really prevents me from getting things done. I don't know.

Not even sure why I'm typing this up. I just want to lay down and not do anything for a while. Just stare at the ceiling until this headache subsides. Watch Merlin and How I Met Your Mother until it's Monday evening and until I am forced at gunpoint to study for Chem and Fil the next day. Read and read and read what I want to and not something I'm going to be tested on on Tuesday. Write and think about NaNoWriMo for a bit. Sleep. I'm tired of studying.

Other news. "Slow Dancing in a Burning Room" is on repeat. I need space for Continuum in here.

Goodnight, everyone.

dump, again

2010-10-07T23:58:00.001+08:00

Just a couple thoughts running through my mind at the moment. Needed to get this out somewhere.

France is so beautiful. I think there's some sort of romance in getting lost somewhere completely gorgeous and foreign. Every turn I'd take would be something new and it would never be ugly. I can't wait to go there. And I can't wait to converse with the French tongue. I'd understand only the grammar and not the words. I just think Paris is the kind of place that would look beautiful with and without light, and light is my favorite element of the world. And I don't mean the four Greek elements. Light is just my favorite existing thing ever.

I saw John Mayer live last Friday and I can say that that was the best night of my life. It topped even Kris's show here. Not because I like John more than Kris. I was just a giant ball of bad vibes that night for reasons undisclosed. Anyway, I'm still not over the Mayer show. It's been six days and I still haven't listened to a song that wasn't sung by him. For real. My Last.FM is overflowing with Mayer and I haven't even scrobbled from my iPod yet.

And, unsurprisingly, with the John craze my life is experiencing right now, I have taken a liking to learning his songs and I adore the challenges they present me. John's songs are difficult and the chords are unheard of and the strumming and sound are so unique and distinctly Mayer, and it's so beautiful. And I love being able to play some, even just a little bit. He ignited some sort of fire in me and all I want to do is learn his songs. I don't even want to play guitar for the rest of my life anymore (maybe) yet he makes me want to be amazing at it.

And having said that, with all the effort and intricacy and beauty he puts in his songs, I don't understand how someone like Taylor Swift can even be nominated for a Grammy. I mean, for real. We have John whose simplest song involves drop D tuning and tricky fingering. And then we have Taylor Swift whose hardest song is nonexistent and whose songs contain the same chords. The only difference is where she puts the capo.

I'm all for "music is a form of expression." I'm not any better than Taylor Swift and she is definitely much more successful than me – and maybe even more than I will ever be. I just wish more people, and especially the prominent people in the music industry right now, put as much thought as John into songs and music. Not that all pop music isn't substantial. It's just that music can be so much more than it is now.

But then again, that's all subjective and just my opinion. Everyone wants music to be what fits them. John's fits me really well.

Next week is finals week. That's it for the second quarter. I'm still formulating my battle plan as to how I'm studying and when I'm studying and what I'm studying, all those technicalities. I am ready to kick those Scantrons' asses.

house

2010-10-02T20:09:00.001+08:00

List of the best things I have ever experienced so far in the fourteen years of my life

Singing the same song with thousands upon thousands of people with my right arm up in the air
The feeling of hearing my favorite song played as the encore of its artist when I thought the show was over
Being stuck in traffic and arriving where I was supposed to be with a literal minute to spare
Having my iPod on shuffle and discovering amazing songs on my iPod that I never knew I had
The feeling I get when I listen to really, really incredible songs (Ex. "Edge of Desire," "The Christmas Song," "The Moon," "It's All Over," etc.)
When the comforters are wrapped around me right and my head is on the pillow perfectly and the temperature is just right
That time when my family and I were coming home from vacation and I was on the passenger seat, and my dad was beside me driving, and everyone in the back were asleep and I was listening to "It's All Over" while looking out the window and at the scenery. That was the most peaceful moment of my life.
When I brought my laptop to Highlands the first time and I used it on the balcony. God gave Leonardo the sky and told him it was his canvas that day.
Crying at a concert because I was finally hearing the song that got me through so much.
Having a Starbucks peppermint mocha at Christmastime
Feeling Christmas
Getting my first real glimpse of LA from the airplane after three years of needing to go there
The feeling when last-minute plans working out
Opening a birthday present that I did not in a million years expect. A MacBook from my parents, by the way.
Laying down on a bed with my closest friends. Contortion at its loveliest.
Spontaneous trips
Going to Makati at nighttime
Going to Greenbelt
The feeling of getting to the last page of a really, really good book
Reading the Harry Potter series
Mastering a song that I found difficult at first
Meeting Kris
Falling asleep in a car full of my closest friends who are tired and asleep too
The feeling of turning in a project I crammed

That's all I can think of on the spot right now, but if I think of more I'll be sure to add them.

We know now.

2010-08-30T12:12:00.002+08:00

What Became of the Likely Lads?

Please don't get me wrong
See I forgive you with a song
We'll call the likely lads
But if it's left to you
I know exactly what you'd do
With all the dreams we had
'Cause blood runs thicker, oh
We're thick as thieves, you know
If it's important to you
It's important to me
I tried to make you see
But you don't wanna know
You don't want to know

If you pipe all summer long
Then get forgiven in a song
Well, that's a touch, my lad

They sold the rights to all the wrongs
And when they knew you'd give me songs
Welcome back, I sang

But blood runs thicker, oh
We're thick as thieves, you know
If that's important to you
It's important to me
I tried to make you see
But you don't wanna know
You don't want to know

Oh, what became of the likely lads?
What became of the dreams we had?
Oh, what became of forever?
Oh, what became of forever, though?
But we'll never know

Please don't get me wrong
See I forgive you in a song
We call the likely lads

We all bought the ones
We taught 'em all we wrote the songs
That's filled with dreams we have

But blood runs thicker, oh
We're thick as thieves, you know
If that's important to you
It's important to me
I tried to make you see
But you don't wanna know
You don't want to know

Oh, what became of the likely lads?
What became of the dreams we had?
Oh, what became of forever?
Oh, what became of forever?
We'll never know

But blood runs thicker, oh
we're as thick as theives, you know
if that's important to you
yes, it's important to me
I tried to make you see
but you don't want to know

Oh, what became of the likely lads?
What became of the dreams we had?
Oh, what became of forever?
Oh, what became of forever?
We'll never know

List of things I will blog about this weekend

2010-08-27T23:07:00.000+08:00

High school and how good it's been to me lately
My first debate competition, which is happening an estimated eight hours from now
Last weekend, when I went away for a couple days with my family
The Libs

in addition

2010-06-27T13:13:00.000+08:00

I've been feeling weird lately. "Lately" meaning "since half an hour ago." It's that teenager thing, often confused with being bipolar. Apparently when you're this age, it's normal for your life to throw you up high and then never catch you and then let you hit the floor. It's normal to break your backbone. End sarcasm.

I've been trying to blog for days. I have a lot to say about school and about what's going on with me in general but I'm having such a hard time saying it all. Not that anything particularly eventful or completely saddening to the point that it's hard to talk about is happening to me. I'm just having a hard time putting it all down, I guess.

School has just begun and I'm already dreaming of better summers. Not that 2010's summer was terrible. It wasn't terrible. For the most part it was just me trying to relive last year's summer, which I should never do again, because I was mostly miserable and bored. But anyway...

I don't have big dreams. Really. My dreams are small and cozy and possibly reachable. All I want is to love and be loved, to be happy and make happy, to be on a high at all times. Most likely I'm never going to be famous, but I don't have to be. Other things can make me happy. Being a lawyer is something I'm actually prioritizing as of the moment. I mean, I just made it into the forensics guild of my school and that's going to be impressive on my college application forms. You know? And I don't live by the rules of guitar strings anymore, and anyway I can do that on the side, still, if I wanted to. Play in clubs and stuff. And my hand and written words are inseparable and I will never be detached from it. So I'll still get to do what I love by doing other things. You know?

School is a tiring thing. It's a tiring and redundant thing. It's just homework and paper and tests and taking down notes and recitation day after day. I feel like the only reason I keep my eyes open is to read my textbooks and go to school now and it's got me bug-eyed and tired. Just tired all the time when I'm left alone.

I'm just ready for bigger things. Even if they're small. I don't know.

I'm not sure what I'm trying to say. I'm just ready for bigger things, that's all.

to the future

2010-06-27T12:30:00.002+08:00

set the mood music

2010-06-15T19:30:00.003+08:00

This is my ninety-ninth post! I feel ridiculously proud of myself for even just maintaining a blog for half a year, let alone maintaining a blog for a half a year that has readers. I don't have a lot of subscribers on here or a lot of comments and there's no way that I know for sure whether someone reads an entry I post the second it goes online, but I know there are at least people out there who know of its existence and has read at least one entry, you know?

So, thanks, guys, for sticking with me and for reading what I write. I really, truly appreciate it. And if you've ever commented, then thank you so much, because that is showered with a lot of appreciation too.

And here is a new layout! Don't know about you guys, but I really love it. And so none of you get confused: Kris is not dirty, he is very pretty, and he is definitely the farthest thing from "nothing." So, y'know. Just in case someone needed explanation.

Last day of summer today and I spent it making this layout and organizing chocolate. Actually, I made two layouts today but I didn't like the first one after an hour of making the banner, thirty minutes of fixing the template, and a total of five minutes of actual usage. And organizing chocolate because we bought this giant bag of assorted chocolate and Mom wanted all the chocolate stacked with its kind, as in Reese's with Reese's and Crunch with Crunch, so on and so on. So I did that, and then I went back and stacked each brand in straight lines in threes or aligned stacks of four. And then I threw them all into Ziploc bags.

As a summer send-off, I thought I'd watch Highway for the last time in a while, just because that movie always puts me in a good mood and, for me, is an incredible way to present freedom, which I think summer represents. But right now it's raining really hard, lightning and thunder included. The power actually went out while I was in the shower.

And with the end of summer comes the start of school, which I have, honestly, in no way prepared for. I mean, I have a bag and notebooks and pens and paper and my books are all covered in plastic, but I haven't packed anything and I'm not sure where my ID strap is and I probably don't even have school shoes fit for wearing. I'm greeting this schoolyear with the air of a woman walking down a dark alley at two in the morning. (And that's never a good idea, people. I promise.)

I just have no idea how to feel about everything, I guess. I'm going back to school. And more importantly, I'm going back to high school. And I just really hope I don't screw up and I don't look like a loser – or not totally, anyway.

I guess I should also mention that I'm not allowed to use my laptop (or the Internet for that matter) on schooldays, so this is going to be my last post in a while. So if you think you're going to miss me, follow me on Twitter, because I might be Tweeting a lot.

Anyway, I have gifts. Music that I've been listening to a lot lately, depending on whether or not you believe my Last.FM. Don't tell anyone you got 'em from here. Or, tell everyone and help me get these people more listeners.

Here are the ones by Kristopher –

1. Kris Allen – Paranoid Android (Cover). He/he and KAB (should I say "he and KAB" or just "KAB"?) did this in Grand Rapids. I really, really love it. I'm not sure if it'll sit well with everyone just because it's so different from normal Kris and KAB, but I think you guys will like it. I do. A lot. Plus, this song isn't devoid of genuine emotion from Kris and the band's excellent in it. Y'know. As usual. "Paranoid Android" originally by Radiohead.

2. Kris Allen – Maybe (Cover). From Benton, AR. I listened to this the whole time during my stay in LA. I love it so much, I think it's perfect. It's sweet and tender and it just comes across as yearning to me. It's just absolutely lovely. I think "lovely" is the best way to describe it. "Maybe" originally by Alison Krauss.

3. Kris Allen – Wastin' Time. This is the last Kris song, I promise, but not the least amazing. In fact, this is the song that made me love him forever. When I first downloaded it, I didn't know it was an original Kristopher Allen song from his self-produced CD, Brand New Shoes. And when I found out, I was just... amazed. This song floored me the first time I heard it and it was my summer song of '09. It's actually probably the song of my life because it fits so much right now. I love the guitars here, and how upbeat it is, and how underneath all the layers, there's some sort of subtle desperation and it's just so real. I think this is how music should be all the time. It's funny because when ONTD_AI used to have Kris appreciation posts and people would talk about their favorites on BNS, hardly anybody said this song. But whatever, this song is one of my favorites of all time and if you guys only had Internet speed and/or laptop memory to download one song (believe me, it will happen someday), it should be this one. All bias aside.

And now songs that aren't by Kris! Because I do, in fact, listen to other people, too.

4. The Beatles – With a Little Help From My Friends. If all high schools needed a theme song in the world, it should be this song's chorus. I actually think nobody has never heard this song, or at least its chorus, or do you neeeeed anybody. But whatever, download it anyway.

5. Reel Big Fish – The Fire. I actually got into this band because its drummer, Ryland Steen, is Kris's drummer. I've never actually checked out anything ska before but RBF seriously impressed me. This is one of my favorite songs of theirs, so take a page from my book, try out something new, and get some RBF into your life because they're terrific and will make you want to dance.

6. Big Tree – The Concurrence of All Things. The lyrics of this song are so gorgeous, and her voice is just beautiful and perky and it's such a fun song. It's one of those songs that start evolving within its minutes and it ends completely different from how it started and the listener is left going, "That was amazing, how did that happen?" I just love this song. I can't quite think of an artist to compare them to in terms of sound, which is a good thing because that means they're distinct and original but I'm usually bad with things like that, so... Anyway, just give this song a listen and make all your friends listen to it. They'll thank you. Promise.

7. Neon Trees – Animal. Okay, I love this band. Love them. This song makes me super happy and I love its lyrics and the wordplay in it. I love their energy. And, you guys? Their drummer is a chick and she is mad talented. She's awesome. (That's not to say that girls can't drum, by the way, it's just that I haven't come across a lot of bands with chick drummers). And Tyler's voice and mohawk is just wow. And, you guys, I am not kidding, but one of the members' name is Chris Allen. I am not kidding, I am serious. Chris Allen. Amazing. You know what else is amazing? This song. It was this summer's jam for me.

And here's a little something to jumpstart your journey to utter loss of direction in life during my absence –

If that didn't make you whimper, then I judge you.

I'm going to miss posting. Wish me luck and believe I'm well and I'll believe the same about you guys.

things i should do this junior year

2010-06-15T11:29:00.001+08:00

Things I Should Do This Junior Year

(inspired by my best friend, Erk)

Study. This is a super crucial year and I have to study for real. I can't half-ass this year and I actually have to do homework and submit things on time. (I might have barfed in my mouth a little. The idea of responsibility repels me.)
Save money. I get 500 pesos per week and if I save 400 every week, then I'll have 1200 pesos at the end of the month just by going to school. And if I actually stick to this plan, then I'll probably have 12000 pesos by the end of the schoolyear. You guys, that is a lot of books and CDs and clothes. And hopefully Forever 21 opens here by then.
Find a way to not kill my laptop every five minutes. Okay, here's the thing – I've had my laptop for a year now and I have pretty much used up all the memory, which is either 120 or 160GB. And that is a lot. Today, I actually had to delete Moonlight Mile and all my Avril Lavigne, Linkin Park, The Color Fred, and Counting Crows songs. Then again... last night I got a crapload of Reel Big Fish, and this morning I got two Beatles records, two Hellogoodbye records, two Coldplay CDs, an Imogen Heap CD, a Lady Antebellum CD, and a nine-hour long audiobook separated into 112 files, so I'm not necessarily very gentle with my laptop's memory, really. But! I will find a solution for this this year. I'll buy an external hard drive or, like, two USBs or something. And I'll delete, like, useless files. Like pictures of Kris's arms.
Share my blessings. Whether it be money or time or clothes or advice or answers in homework.
Stay fit. Go to the gym regularly. Go for morning runs during the weekends or something. Walk my dog Yoda.
Read and write more. Read more classics, read more fiction, read more Dr Seuss, read more everything. And write. Write and write, and write, and write.
Blog. Whether it be here, or on LiveJournal, or on WordPress. Wherever I gravitate to.
Maintain a social life. Go out and have fun and live like a fourteen/fifteen-year-old. I shouldn't let the Internet and my studies govern the entirety of my life.
Grow. In height. And maturity.
J-J-U-J-U-N-I-O-R-S!

I sound like I'm about to take myself seriously, but in all honesty, I probably won't. I mean, I will study because I want to get into a good college (or a college at all, really) and I just want to give back to my parents. I'm not doing this to prove to myself that I can do it, because I know I can. I'm not going to do this to make myself proud, or my friends proud, or my teachers proud. I just want good grades because I haven't given my parents those in too long. Too long.

But I'm still going to be the same Mint. Hopefully, if somehow I don't lose myself and my sanity in the pages of my Chem book. I'm not going to turn into a craycray hag who lashes out on freeloaders (because a) I would be a hypocrite, and b) freaking the frak out because of grades is not attractive). I'm still going to be me. With better grades.

Seeing A's and B's again on my report card won't hurt at all, to be honest.

actual dreaming

2010-06-14T05:27:00.000+08:00

I was in the car with my mom's cousin, her boyfriend, my mom, my sister, and my cousin. (Side note: I'm not sure why I never use names when it comes to my family. Maybe they wouldn't like it? Maybe I'm trying to protect the little privacy I have in this blog, because I'm pretty open about everything else?) Anyway...

So I was in the car, right, and Mom asked her cousin if she and her boyfriend were on leave from their jobs to spend the day with us. And then

it hit me right there that I am probably never ever going to be famous in my life.

It was a little weird moment because my eyes might have bugged out a bit when it hit me. And I might have panicked a little because I don't know what else to do with my life, if not be a musician. Which is absurd, because:

____a) I'm not even that good;
____b) I can't sing, I don't have the singing voice that people would find impressive or above average or listenable – don't get me wrong, I can sing in tune but I can't sing for a living; and
____c) My songs are very Taylor Swift in terms of chord use – very repetitive, pretty fun to play, and a pretty foolproof way of getting thrown very heavy objects at for calling myself a musician with the use of only D, A, G, and Em.

That last one makes me sound a little pathetic. I'm not that bad at guitar, I'm just not amazing. Which is it, pretty much – I'm just average. I'm not gonna stick out. You know? No one's ever going to listen to me outside of a bar or a little coffee shop. Which is fine with me, just playing in those places, but... Where's the security in that, y'know? I could probably get a job at some place too and play on the side, but that's not the life I see myself enjoying.

And there's always that writing thing. I can write. But how do I know that that's going to go somewhere?

I talked with my favorite uncle and his wife yesterday, during my sister's birthday lunch. About college. It isn't that far away now and I just want to think of some sort of battle strategy so I don't have anxiety attacks everyday next year. I know it's kind of early to think about these things as much as I do, but I just want to know that I have a plan to do something with my life.

But anyway, so far my battle strategy is BS Psych and then law school.

I guess that's all I'm saying for now.

parachute

2010-06-12T09:31:00.000+08:00

I am so jetlagged. I "took a nap" yesterday at 4PM and I woke up at 3 this morning. Which I guess isn't such a bad thing because I got to watch Hey Arnold (which for some reason only shows at 3 to 4AM here) and I hadn't eaten since 8AM yesterday. And I got eleven hours of sleep, which is really good because I haven't had more than eight hours of sleep in a really, really long time. Actually I hardly even have eight hours of sleep. So it's good I had a really long bit of shut-eye. Except I kind of feel bad because it's affecting everyone in the house. My poor brother, he woke up at six in the morning on a weekend because both his older sisters were sitting on the side of his bed, without feeling the need to be very quiet. That, and my one-year-old brother was pretty much crawling all over his face.

In other news, I am freaking out. A little bit. Because I'm actually going to school on Wednesday, which isn't far from now. And I'm going to be in class where I don't know anybody. I mean, I know the names and the faces, but I don't really know anyone. So it's make-friends-or-sadface-forever for me again.

Also, I cannot screw up this year. My freshman and sophomore years of high school were both not rewarded with very good grades. For both years, I think I maintained a C for every quarter of the schoolyear in Filipino. Point is, I'm a below average student because I never ever study so I really have to change that this year and ace those entrance exams. Which might kill me, but I'm going to have to try if I want to be accepted in any college.

I really don't like talking about school on my blog – and the first couple weeks are going to be uneventful anyway – so let's skip to another topic.

I'm working on my post about my trip to LA, which could probably double as Day 26 and half of Day 27 so I guess that's something to look forward to.

Also, I put a hit counter on the layout, and yes, it is actually those numbers you see on the left side of this window. I don't want you guys to think that it's there because I'm cocky chick who likes to show off. As you guys can see, anyway, there is nothing to show off. It's just there for me to know that someone out there is actually reading this and that people stumble over this site. It's a little bit of motivation for me to blog more. But since it's new, it doesn't count the hits I've had since the start of everything (insert sad face here), so show me you love me, do my self-esteem a favor, and refresh this blog a little bit.

And, Kris has an online merch store now, so check that out.

Still obsessed with "Sparks" by Coldplay.

And it's my sister's birthday today. Greet her on Twitter!

sing one we know

2010-06-11T16:08:00.000+08:00

I might be the last person on Earth to hear this beautiful song, but I thought I'd share it anyway.

I want to dance with someone now.

MNL

2010-06-11T14:29:00.002+08:00

And we're back.

I don't really have much to say. I'm tired and really lacking in the sleep and food departments. And I'm dizzy. So yeah, I guess this is where this is ending for now.

The room has got to stop spinning.

Also, I've just got to get this off my chest:

In five days, I am going to be a junior in high school. And to people who've finished high school, that's no big deal, especially since most of the Internet people I know are in college or are already working. But I haven't finished high school, so this is a big deal. I should probably talk about this more or something but I really don't know what to say besides –

I have no idea what to expect. No idea.

fifth grade racism

2010-06-10T02:58:00.001+08:00

"He said the only good thing Asians can do is kicking. I suck at soccer."

- My cousin on her racist classmate

Changes

2010-06-10T02:32:00.000+08:00

So, I changed the master font. It isn't Arial anymore.

It's Verdana!

No idea why I was so excited about this, or why I think it's such a big deal, but I think it changes the tone of this blog a little bit, which is just what I need, because when I'm back on my own laptop (how I've missed that dear thing), a lot of changes are going to happen to DPN. Said changes will start in a probable change of layout or maybe even a change of title.

Don't burn me at the stake, okay? Because I know changing the title is a big move. I mean, no one reads this blog until I tell them to, but I genuinely think changing something's title is a big move. Like, I don't watch One Tree Hill at all but if it changed its name to Two Plant Mountains, even I would be skeptical.

But here's the thing -- this blog just doesn't feel like a dirty pretty nothing anymore. I don't feel like a nothing anymore, you know? As of right now, I have no idea what to name this blog then, if not DPN, but something about it doesn't feel right anymore.

I'm also thinking of maybe deleting some entries from the past? Maybe? I'm not sure but it doesn't feel like they fit in here anymore, either. Chances are I'm keeping them here, though... I'm not really one to delete anything I post on the Internet, unless I really have to.

Maybe I'll just talk about the emotional side of my Kris stanning a whole lot less.

But things are definitely up for a change, and I'm going to start using tags.

Also, I'm flying back to Manila tonight, so keep me in your prayers and hope for a safe flight. See you guys when I'm back home.

On Stanning

2010-06-07T10:10:00.001+08:00

For those of you who don't understand what I mean by "stan," click this.

Stanning is actually a lot more tame than that, a little bit. I mean, I stan Kris but I don't follow him around like a stalker. However, I watch videos of every concert, download them, convert to MP3s, read Tweets of people who were at the show, save pictures, read reviews, check if there are any new interviews. Like, the other day I was at my mother's aunt's place on my iPhone, watching Kris doing "Bring It Back" for the first time in Benton, AR, and then another day I was at my aunt's couch, watching Kris premiering "I Need to Know" live in Grand Rapids, MI, and then the night after that I finally watch Kris covering "Paranoid Android" in a city I can't even keep track of anymore; and this has been my life for a year. (And I watch every video of every song. Dang.) And today I finally put Kris and Jake on Google alerts.

It's a hard business, stanning, but very rewarding, I think. I mean, I get to see pictures absolutely breathtaking pictures of Kris that not everyone has seen. I get to hear how much better his songs are live, and I know when he and the band change things up a bit and I can tell which city they did a certain version of a song in. I see his very redundant wardrobe that consists of graphic tees and plaid. I have four hundred plus songs under the artist "Kris Allen" on my iTunes. I get to watch interviews in which he acts like a five-year-old, in which he quotes himself in a past interview, in which he forgets things he's already said before (this applies to Jake, too).

I'm not really sure why I just typed all this up. People might think I'm off-the-wall cray cray or that I'm a stalker, or whatever, but it makes me happy. I like seeing how big Kris has gotten and how he gets to live his dream. Y'know?

Still not sure as to why I typed this up, but I did, and so I'm not deleting it.

Also, I just thought of telling you wonderful readers that I finally know what to make a "fan" site out of. Stay tuned.

Take care, guys! The Celtics vs Lakers game is on. Third quarter, and it's a close game. They're tied now.

EDIT: Right after I typed that, Celtics scored two points! So, not tied anymore.

Intermission

2010-06-03T08:02:00.003+08:00

Hey, guys!

I know my 30 day challenge thing should be done by now, but, as I'm not home and not using my own laptop, it's hard to update. And when you couple that fact with how we're going around as tourists and very, very avid shoppers, then my absence is completely reasonable. And, yes, I am kicking myself for not updating, because I really tried to make it a point to update everyday back home. Sigh.

And, I've been thinking about running a website. Not sure if it should be a Kris site or a Jake site, or something else completely. I just really want to run a site for some reason.

Also, I watched Prince of Persia yesterday! It was a lot better than I expected. Not the best movie ever, but it was really good with not being predictable. And Jake looked like he was having the time of his life. I also bought Darko on Blu-Ray. :)

I'm going now, and I'll think over my website thing more, so, see you, guys.

PS: I'm taking notes on my stay though, so I will update and get back on my 30 day challenge when I have time to or when I get home. Most likely when I get home.

'Til then, or maybe even sooner. Take care, guys!

#25: Twenty-four-plus

2010-05-27T20:59:00.003+08:00

Day 25 – Your day, in great detail

It's funny that this topic landed on this day, because it was seriously the longest day of my life.

In Philippine time: I had a ridiculously hard time falling asleep. I wasn't sleepy at all but I couldn't think of anything else to do but sleep, so I tried and tried and tried and finally went to bed at 1AM, thinking that I'd wake up eleven hours later and half the day would already be done and I wouldn't have to wait for 3PM too much.

What time did I wake up? Seven in the morning. Seven. In the. Morning. I've never woken up at seven in the morning. Not in the recent months, anyway.

Looking back now I don't really remember what I did to kill time. I think I clicked around YouTube? And at one point I was watching Bubble Boy with my siblings and rubbing my baby brother's tummy but it's all a blur now. It's all a faraway blur of color and motion and a lot of anxiety.

And then lunch came and dragged on and my grandparents on my dad's side came and that dragged on too and everything was just going by really slowly for me.

At 2PM, my mom, her mom, my sister, and I took baths and got ready to go to the airport and everything and that's boring story and the car ride there was kind of boring too and that's a lot coming from me because I really love car rides. But I had a really hard time picking songs because I didn't know what to listen to.

My dad, brother, and other brother brought us to the airport and honestly that was the only goodbye that I'd ever felt like crying after. It's going to be hard without them because we've grown to be such a close family. But anyway...

So we got to the airport and checked our baggage in, and then we went through the motions and did what people do in airports (take shoes off, put bags in baskets, step through metal detector thing, be searched and touched in inappropriate places for a split-second) and then we waited.

It's funny because we waited in two places. By the time 5PM rolled around, we were sitting in this place. And the thing with airports is that the chairs are back-to-back so wherever you sit, there will always be some stranger sitting in front of you. In my face, the strangers were a French man and a Japanese man and it was interesting to hear them converse. The French man spoke with a distinct accent that could only come from being raised in France. He spoke English very well and he was holding a French book. The Japanese man was plump and short and looked very much like the business type. They talked about travel (the French man does a lot of traveling) and business and they laughed a lot. And when they couldn't hear the words past the accents, they communicated through writing. And these two were strangers who quickly became friends. And that just warmed my heart for some reason because here are two men from two countries who'e never met before and who might have not really understood each other, but they were there wholly by some sort of oxymoronic planned coincidence by whatever is the driving force of our lives – and here they are, laughing.

And that is when I learned "haha" is the only word that is the same in all languages.

And then 7PM rolled around and the passengers of my flight were asked to sit in this other place so we did, and we waited there for an hour. I spent it reading The Time Traveler's Wife. When it was announced over PA that our plane was now boarding, everybody stood up and rushed to the line. With a little cunning and cheating, my mom, her mom, my sister and I got to the plane in less than five minutes.

We flew at 8:30PM and Manila is gorgeous and all diamonds at that time. I wish I'd taken a picture.

I should probably also mention that we stayed at the third-to-the-last row of the plane.

We would stay in the air like that for nearly thirteen hours. Every hour came by and seemed to laugh at me and bounce back and forth before deciding it's time to leave and let the next hour take charge. My sister pretty much slept the entire flight. Apparently airplanes turn her into a narcoleptic.

I spent my time in the plane listening to Lady Gaga a lot of Kris Allen. I listened to the entire Brand New Shoes twice, Kris Allen once (except for Live Like We're Dying – "if your plane fell out of the skies" kind of scared me, for good reason) and Falling Slowly. And I got a grand total of two hours of sleep. Also, the food was surprisingly good. Or maybe I was just really hungry. But the food was okay. Not terrible or anything. Sufferable.

Also, my seat was 75K. K. I saw that on the armrest of my chair and I felt safe.

I'm probably making this sound it was really quick and I wasn't bored at all. But I was bored and the flight was really long. I let my sister sleep on my lap and I regretted it thirty minutes later when the only thing I could feel from my legs was pain. My legs were asleep and painful for majority of the flight.

The cabin lights dimmed a little after 11PM (according to my iPod, which was on Manila time) and everyone was asleep then. I don't know how these people can sleep comfortably in these airplane chairs. I'm shorter than everyone else and I wasn't comfortable at all.

And this was where time gets confusing. My Manila-time iPod said it was two in the morning, but when I opened the window shade, it was bright outside. And the sun was either setting or rising, but either way around – it did not look like 2AM. And it wasn't 2AM in whatever part of the world we were in. And so I never really finished May 26 in Manila terms.

And I felt safe. It's weird because I was thirty-three thousand feet up in the air, in an airplane, that could've stopped working anytime at all thus sending me reeling into my death, but when I looked out the window, everything was just so big and infinite and never-ending. We were above clouds and the clouds stretched on forever, and the sun was perfect and fitting then, and everything just went on and on and on and on. And I felt so small and so safe. Even when nothing was safe at that time, probably. But I felt incredibly serene.

I slept for a little bit and then, skipping all the boring details, I saw land below us. And it was beautiful. Mountains and... ocean, or sea, or lake, or whatever that was, and buildings and so much sun. It was 6PM LA time and the sun was shining like it was 10AM. It was so pretty.

We landed a little while after that, again did airport things, and waited a little bit for our ride. Our ride came thirty minutes later.

I am so in love with Los Angeles. Really. I love it here. I love the lights, I love the night, the temperature, the cars, the roads, the freeways, everything. Absolutely everything about this place, and I find I still remember bits and pieces of the way home here.

I don't really know what to say besides we're staying here with my aunt and her family, and they have a huge TV that I love so much just because I'm in love with American commercials, and that we're still a little bit jet-lagged and that I'm eating a lot.

I love it here. I just love everything right now.

So yeah. That was my day in great detail.

Oh, right: when we got here, the TV was on the American Idol finale replay, and it was the part where Kris was giving Crystal and Lee their cars. And Kris was wearing what he wore to Eastwood, in Manila, when I saw him in person for the first time. And I was wearing what I was wearing when I saw him in Eastwood, in Manila, when I saw him for the first time.

I just thought that was a little moment that I found incredible, especially since this the first time I've been within a hundred miles of Kris in a couple months.

#24: The City of Angels

2010-05-25T15:06:00.003+08:00

Day 24 – Whatever tickles your fancy

So! I've got good news. I'm flying to LA tomorrow! My mom, my sister, and I are staying at my aunt's place for fifteen days and then we head out back to Manila.

I am honestly beyond excited. I've been wanting to go to LA so badly lately. I've been so desperate for any scrap of America that I'd actually sit inside the car and look up at the sky and just see the highways in my peripheral vision because that looks a little bit like States. And now we're actually going!

It was pretty much a spur-of-the-moment decision and we only knew that we were for real going to States a couple days ago. It's amazing.

Anyway, we've been packing and my suitcase probably has a lot more clothes than necessary. I just finished making my States playlist and it ended up with more then fifty songs. I'm good at overpacking.

Anyway, I'm not bringing my laptop (insert straight face here) but I'm going to try to update DPN on my mom's laptop and on my cell phone. Also, I'm watching Darko right now just because I know I won't be able to for a really long time. There are videos of this movie on YouTube though so I guess I'll be watching from there too, when I miss this movie too much.

Anyway, that's my news. And I'm beyond excited. Hope everything is just as incredible for you guys!

#23: Two hundred is better than one

2010-05-24T21:14:00.002+08:00

Day 23 – A YouTube video

I'm going to talk about something better than a YouTube video. I'm gonna talk about a YouTube celebrity. And if you've been following this blog at all, then you can guess who I'm about to talk about.

Shane Dawson!

You can watch his sketches here, his vlogs here, and his general everyday stupidities here.

He's an incredibly hilarious dude who actually has things to say. He's so grateful to be where he is now and he's taught me a lot and made my summer a whole lot better. I love him and I look forward to his videos every Saturday.

So, click one of those links and laugh forever! Have an incredible week, guys. :)

#22: You are about to waste twenty minutes of your life

2010-05-23T20:24:00.004+08:00

Day 22 – A website

Enjoy.

#21: CALORIES

2010-05-22T21:00:00.002+08:00

Day 21 – A recipe

Ah, gosh. I don't memorize any! But okay. I'll try.

Now this is something I love making for myself, especially since it is really hot in Manila.

You will need:

Crushed ice. Enough to fit a little more than half a mug.

Condensed milk

Evaporated milk

Any fruit of your choice. May I suggest: corn, watermelon (especially watermelon!), and yellow mango

You will need to:

1. Put crushed ice in mug

2. Pour evaporated milk in mug. I like having something to drink, so I put a lot. Like, about half of the mug. Note that the ice is going to melt so that's going to be a lot of milk.

3. Cut your fruits to little bite-sized pieces if necessary. You're not going to need to cut up corn, but you will need to dice mangos, so use your common sense.

4. "Pour" the fruits into the mug.

5. Give your mixture a teaspoonful of condensed milk. Or half a teaspoon, depending on whether or not you have a sweet tooth.

Violá! Whatever con hielo! It's like a really good-tasting air-conditioner in your mouth.

I've tried this with corn, mangoes, leche flan, and ube. My personal favorite is watermelon.

I don't think this is healthy at all but whatever. Happy eating!

#20: Tearing and gluing

2010-05-21T21:02:00.003+08:00

Day 20 – A hobby of yours

I have a lot of hobbies. There are a lot of things I love doing. I love walking my dog, I love cooking (not to Jake Gyllenhaal extents, though), I love reading, I love shopping. I love staying up and falling asleep while reading. I love writing songs and playing guitar.

But there are two things that I love doing and do very often. I love watching movies and making collages out of stuff from magazines. Seriously. I stay up 'til the day's most ridiculous hours just tearing articles and pictures apart and gluing them onto paper. (I find tearing to have a better effect than just cutting. Cutting is too clean for me).

I'll post pictures some other day. I want to get onto my reading. I bought The Time Traveler's Wife today and I just heard very, very good news so I'm on a high.

#19: Geese

2010-05-20T12:03:00.004+08:00

Day 19 – A talent of yours

Writing. This is something I'm not amazing at, something other people are a lot better at, but this is something I'm proud of, and this is something I know how to do. This is something that is there for me and this is something I can give my everything to and expect to get the same thing in return.

Writing keeps me sane and keeps me insane, tells me I'm worth something and that I'm just another person in the world. Writing makes me feel impossible and makes everything seem strange and different and stunning and fabricated and real. Writing is every oxymoron that never made sense but was beautiful. Writing is what confuses me most, is what I find most concrete in the world. Writing is every contradiction. Writing is something that is completely mine and completely personal. Writing is what makes the most sense to me, even when it doesn't at all. It's pretty much everything to me. I can get lost in paragraphs. I'd love to get lost in paragraphs. I don't know what I would do if I couldn't write.

My writing is found here.

Something just happened that makes me believe I really do have OCD. I hate this, and I hate having panic attacks.

#18: Cavemen with AIDS

2010-05-20T00:03:00.002+08:00

Day 18 – Whatever tickles your fancy

I had an amazing day yesterday. Seriously.

I wrote little notes about everything that happened yesterday on TextEdit to use as a guide for when I write this but I think it would be tons more hilarious and more personal, like my friends and I are the only ones who get it, if I just copy-pasted those notes here but at the same time I want to write everything in paragraph form. So there's this little debate going on in my head right now. I think I'll just do it paragraph-style, because we're probably the only ones who get all the jokes either way around.

Onwards...

So I was – take note – woken up, as always. The previous night, I set my alarm for 5AM and left my cell phone charging on my desk and then I went to bed at 2AM. This is my life. But anyway, my alarm woke my sister up first, and then she woke me up, and then I told her to get off her bed and turn my cell phone off. Again, this is my life.

But anyway, I got out of bed to do my "just woke up, still in bed" ritual, except not in bed. But that ritual is basically: whip iPhone out, open Safari, check Kris's Twitter, check feed, check replies. This is my morning every morning.

Anyway, took a bath, got dressed, went to the TV room and watched the old Mickey Mouse cartoons while waiting for Erk. Woke Mom up so she could drive us to my friend's place.

And then we got to Mark's place and Ja was already there. And then we got on the van and then went off to get the others so we could continue onwards to Agape.

... And since I have to go to bed now, I'll just copy-paste my notes and maybe edit everything into paragraph form tomorrow. (Note that some jokes may be distasteful and offensive but hey, we are teenagers and we are not politically correct 80% of the time.)

1. the car ride: airport, let's just die, african music, more stupidity

2. arrival: went around, checked out the pool that was still dirty, walked around, went to The Tree, mark, stick, LET GO OF MY PEOPLE, we discover we are good at standing and staring

3. end up sitting somewhere, with us people bringing our guitars outside to play out in the open, mark played "neon" and was of course INCREDIBLE, i want to buy him a better guitar/give him mine and fangirl after him forever

4. CHARAAAADES: sexual charades and pure charades and i discover i suck at whispering. caveman with AIDS, had to tame it down when tita was there. there is a bitch. no, literally. a bitch. a dog.

5. sardines: mark was hard to find, we almost gave up looking for erk. ERK I'LL UNFOLLOW YOU ON TWITTER, JIMMY BENNETT WILL UNFOLLOW YOU ON TWITTER, WE'LL LEAVE YOU, ETC ETC LUNCH TIME ERK WE'RE HUNGRY, cel mistook a rooster for erk, she finally came out of hiding

6. guys played poker while girls stayed upstairs in the loft playing card games and making erk and sam do stupid things that would have been better suited had i done them. synchronized fans

7. lunch: chicken and talking, JOASH IS NOT A VEGETARIAN, nostalgia

8. card games: joash is insane at shuffling, joash is a vegetarian, 1 2 3 pass wherein we fail at giving dares, slap jack, joash wants to win, joash has never been a vegetarian

9. ummm ended up staying in the loft upstairs and then the boys came up there too. ja and mark did guitar and joash napped and i read the rape book aloud in a southern accent. the story was pretty stupid. "my momma happy, my momma dead." the color purple. madee and sam played songs for us and they were very very lovely

10. things stayed like that for a really long time and it was just really fun because everyone's so fun to be with and we just talked and laughed and were bored together and it was fun

11. finally decided to go "swim" although all we really did was sit on the edges of the pool and dip our legs into the water. and we just talked and splashed and YOU DREW A PUMPKIN AND A GHOST and just. a lot of other things. matt is insane, walked around outdoors in socks and then came back barefoot and ended up with bleeding feet

12. changed, packed, went home

13. watched the sunset from inside the car until we couldn't see it anymore. naptime

14. woke up and talked with my rowmates. we were around-ish fort bonifacio and looking out at city lights and let's just die. and then erk very badly needs to go to the bathroom and i think i was quite encouraging. whereas ja who sat behind her sort of wasnt. but it was fun, and erk ended up considering peeing in a stranger's house until we pulled up at a caltex. she said she felt very relieved after and it was the best feeling ever

15. dinner at mcdonald's where joash spills coke in ja's pants. later he tells us karma just might be real

16. dropped more people off, ja thought this spherical thing with a crack was a muslim, dropped joash off at his gate. AT HIS GATE NOT HIS HOUSE

17. dropped off at mark's place and then brought cel and erk home, and then i got home

I apologize for any grammar mistakes or typos. That was done with heavy eyelids at 2AM last night.

Also, each of us paid a great deal of money to do everything we did some place for away. We could've just done that somewhere nearer and spent not even half of what we paid but I think the money was worth it. There's just something about being nearly two hours away from everything. From the city, from family, from the Internet, from other friends, from every worry and care in the world. To me it was literally a getaway and just a time that I could spend with my closest friends – with my second family who've seen me at my best and worst, who loved me and still love me, who know who I am and who I'm not, who are going to be there for me at all times, some of them who've even known me longer than my own siblings.

You know how there are soulmates in the world? I think they're my soulfriends. I honestly could not ask for better friends, even the people outside Cigauan. But Cigauan definitely has a very, very special place in my heart. If I died, I know I'd be missed because I have them, y'know? And if I lose everything, and the entire world is mad at me, I still have them, and that's just... so, so enough for me.

Anyway, I'll update and edit this tomorrow. Night night for now, DPN. :)

#17: What came first

2010-05-19T00:39:00.004+08:00

Day 17 – An art piece (painting, drawing, sculpture, etc.)

I'm going to keep this quick and just show you guys the painting, because I have an epic post planned for tomorrow, because a lot of things happened today.

I don't know who painted this, or what it's called. Someone posted it on Tumblr and I just fell in love with the concept of it.

Van Gogh is definitely my favorite artist and I might update this with my favorite work of his tomorrow. But for now, I've got to go to bed.

#16: Eyes that know me

2010-05-17T23:06:00.003+08:00

Day 16 – A song that makes you cry (or nearly)

"Falling Slowly" by Kris Allen.

Originally by Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova, from the movie Once. Also done by Crystal Bowersox and Lee DeWyze.

Kris's version makes me cry every time I hear it, even when there are people around me. It just... it's our song. Well, something like that. It's the first song I associate to him. Y'know? I love this song, and this song made me love him, and it's so heartfelt and real and enough for me, forever.

That's it, I guess. It just... I love it. I love this song, and I love this man.

#15: My area of expertise

2010-05-16T23:29:00.004+08:00

Day 15 – A fanfic

Now this, I have a lot of experience with. I've spent the last three years of my life reading and writing fan fiction and I've come across some of the most incredible written pieces that have ever existed. I've found that there are a lot more talented writers on the Internet than on ink. There's a freedom in fan fiction and there's this blurry line between reality and fiction and belief.

My favorite fan fiction ever is Mistakes of Our Youth, written by the ever-so-lovely Candle Beck, who is my favorite writer of all time. Fan fiction usually revolves around a pairing in any fandom (or any cross-fandom, really) and this one is about Sherlock Holmes and Dr. John Watson. It's a four-part beast and it will have you crying and grinning and just genuinely feeling and watching as if it were happening right in front of your eyes. I stayed up 'til 5 in the morning reading this on my iPhone and afterwards I just stared out the window, watching the sun rise because I could not believe this world existed after that kind of story.

This is my absolute favorite piece of writing ever. Like, absolute. I think it's genius, and Candle Beck just knows how to use the English language. It's just so perfect to me.

Other fan fiction from very, very gifted writers (I'm very picky):

My favorites written by the lovely Isa:

1. You Put the Sun to Shame - five drabbles that center around sunshine and Kradam, two of my favorite things

2. The Heart Asks Pleasure First - Kradam again, known to me as the papercut smile fic. My favorite work of hers so far.

By Roshambo., over at Mibba:

1. Dirty Little Secrets - nine-chapter Frikey, very long, very funny, and very, very dear to my heart

By Jerakeen, whose writing influenced mine very strongly:

1. Far Along This Road - a very long Kradam, and one of the first of that pairing that I've ever read, probably right after on neptune, it rains diamonds (which is a very good fic, too, written by willowbell). I felt like I was in a different world after I read it. It was my favorite piece of writing before Mistakes of Our Youth dethroned it.

2. But I Still Have Dreams - a Kradam again, in which Kris is a robot

3. More Myself With You - a ridiculously (and, in a way, thankfully) long Kradam. I'm not kidding. Long. And very realistic.

And, lastly, one more from Candle Beck:

1. The Narrator - a lengthy (long fics are my favorite – "long" being more than 8,000 words) Holmes/Watson written in second person. Also absolutely flawless. But I'd think anything that she spins with her fingertips is flawless so I might be completely biased, but I'm also being completely honest when I say it is amazing.

Also, check out her other fics because they are not disappointing. Everything that comes out of her fingertips is just pure gold.

Here are Disney fics written by Zero. She's a very good writer. And here are some pretty old stories written by my best friend Erk, whose writing has matured and infinitely improved since our Mibba days. My friend Matt also writes fics (found here) although this isn't very recent. His new stuff, although not fanfic, are much better. And Cel's fics can be found here, and those are also pretty old. I mentioned that I also write fics and my pieces can be found here. Also, here is a Kradam fic, written by yours truly. Not very long, but something I'm kind of proud of, just because I finished it. I have countless unfinished fics (including a very, very long, Jerakeen-esque RDJude, a Kradison friendship fic that I have scrapped and rewritten three times, plenty Kradams, and a Krale in-the-making) and an infinity of ideas, including a Jake/OC that I really have to set down on ink so I've made it a concrete idea. I'm weird that way.

Obviously fan fiction is something I spend a lot of time on, reading and writing. I prefer fics to books because there's just a no-rules thing about it. Fan fiction is kind of what got me into writing for real anyway, so it always has a place in my heart. Plus, there is just so much raw, unedited, unfounded, undiscovered talent out there. Real talent. I wish I could just print all these fics out and hand them out to everyone in the world because I think everyone should see how powerful and beautiful and perfect and enough words can be. For some reason I only get that sort of feeling from reading and writing fan fiction. It feels like everything to me.

I like this day. Day 15 is my favorite. :)

PS: I have not even begun to list every fan fiction near and dear to my heart, every fic that has made me go wow (and this includes a freakin' zombie apocalypse AI season 8 fic), but there you go. I feel the fics I listed deserve a lot of attention and readers and feedback because they are just mind-blowing.

#14: Abuse

2010-05-15T23:56:00.002+08:00

Day 14 – A non-fictional book

A Child Called It by Dave Pelzer. It's a really sad book about how Pelzer was abused as a kid and it's just... brutal and painful and I cried and cried and cried while reading it.

I'm keeping this quick and short because it's already 11:59 PM and I'd like to submit this on time.

Happy Sunday, guys!

#13: Planahooki

2010-05-14T23:26:00.003+08:00

Day 13 – A fictional book

I am currently reading Survivor, written by Chuck Palahniuk. I just bought it today, actually, and I haven't really read it at all to be honest, but you asked for a fictional book so there you go. I expect nothing but good things from vintage Palahniuk.

In other news, my guitar Gabriel is fixed! He now has all six strings and he sounds as gorgeous as ever. The bad side to this is that I hardly had practice in two months and so I'm having a bad guitar day.

Also I am gaining way too much weight and I intend to go back on double digits. Soon.

I'm watching The Little Mermaid right now. And I can really relate with her.

But anyway, have a good weekend, everyone.

#12: Fancy tickling

2010-05-14T00:12:00.004+08:00

Day 12 – Whatever tickles your fancy

My sister's favorite person in the world just replied to her on Twitter.

That's Dave Days, a YouTube celebrity famous for his parodies of pop songs and his general awesomeness, and he also happens to be my sister's current reason for happiness. And he replied to her on Twitter! He has acknowledged her existence and her creepiness. I mean, he complimented my sister's screencaps of him. Having screencaps of someone and that person seeing is kind of creepy.

Not that I don't do that. Because I do. A lot. But Kris has never and will never see them.

Anyways...

My sister and I were out with our mom when she found out he replied to her. She's been trying to get him to reply to her. But anyway, we were out and Internet was not accessible so there was no way of telling.

But! My sister's friend Margot texted her with Dave's exact reply and Inna freaked. She jumped out of her chair and got in the way of people who were innocently trying to pass by us. During the two-hour movie that we watched, she couldn't concentrate at all because she wanted to see the Tweet. She wanted to go home so bad. We're home now and she's taken plenty screencaps and has even made one of them her iPhone's background, so there you go. She is happy.

And that is what tickled my fancy today. I'm actually twenty-five minutes late in posting this because it is now past midnight and therefore another day, but there you go.

My sister being happy makes me happy, so there.

#11: Not too much of a sight, sadly

2010-05-12T20:49:00.004+08:00

Day 11 – A picture of you taken recently

No idea why it shows so grainy. That picture was taken just right now, actually. I mean, literally right now. I think that's recent enough.

So here you go. Me, unedited, with horrible lighting, with no make-up on, with my hair flying everywhere, with untamed bangs that are too long to flatter anyone, and with a smile that looks more like a grimacing rectangle than anything else.

Have a good night, everyone. :)

#10: I am about to disappoint all of you

2010-05-11T22:53:00.002+08:00

Day 10 – A picture of you taken over ten years ago

I do not have any of these pictures on my laptop. :(

So, I am going to paint you a picture of what I was like "over ten years ago."

When I was, like... a year old or something I used to get sick a lot. My lips would turn blue. And I was really fat. Which I still am, but y'know. (I'm not saying that so someone would tell me I'm not, I just really huge a huge tummy right now). Anyway, and I grew up speaking Tagalog and my parents tell me I used to talk in gibberish and that was me trying to speak in English, apparently.

To be honest, I really did not feel like doing this today so this is sort of half-assed. Sorry guys. :(

#9: Yestersunset

2010-05-10T11:26:00.003+08:00

Day 09 – A picture you took

Took this with my iPhone, so all the pretty in this picture is not a camera trick, not Photoshop editing. It was really just that beautiful.

#8: Show me your teeth

2010-05-09T17:16:00.004+08:00

Day 08 – A photo that makes you angry/sad

First of all I don't understand why whoever created this 30-day challenge put anger and sadness together. Those two are pretty different. But here's the picture.

It makes me sad, by the way.

This is a random thought but I feel like saying it: Lady Gaga would be the last person in the world I would call overrated.

Just saying.

#7: In which I realize something

2010-05-08T10:56:00.004+08:00

Day 07 – A photo that makes you happy

I've been thinking.

There are people who know how to follow someone for years. And I mean people who know how to be fans of people for a really, really long time – and I'm talking dedicated fans, as in, the fans who know what the person is up to everyday and stuff. I don't mean that in a stalker way. I mean that in a "oh, Kris is going to have a show tomorrow, so I better get ready to download YouTube videos of performances" way. (Which I used to do. However my laptop's memory is dying).

Today I came across Wet Dark and Wild. It's this fansite for Jake that's been there for three years now. That's dedication. That's seriously Jake's life from what the public can see – maybe even more – for three years. And I think, wow. Wow, this girl's love for Jake hasn't faltered at all for the past 1,095 days.

And I want to do that. I want to be that loyal to somebody and see how they grow and I've already got my answer – Kris. I know Kris, and in ten days, I've been loving him for a whole year. And I just want that with him, and only him.

This kind of sounds like we're getting married but whatever, you all know what I mean.

I mean, a lot of you might think I'm lying when I say Kris is my favorite person in the world – especially with the recent abundance of Jake in my Twitter and Tumblr – but I'm not lying. Kris is seriously my favorite. My favorite what, I don't even know. Human being? Musician? Whatever. He's my favorite.

And I guess that's where I found the difference between Kris and Jake, to me. One of them I'm going to love forever, and the other I know is someone's favorite. That someone isn't me. Y'know? I guess that's what I realized today.

I mean, I will seriously get offended if someone tells me, "I love Kris like you." Because no one loves Kris like me or as much as I do, the same way I will never love him like other people do, "other people" being people who've followed him (in a comepletely non-stalker-ish way – maybe) since Idol.

But for me to say that I love Jake as much as the creator of Wet Dark and Wild is just wrong. First of all, I would never compare the way I love someone with someone else. Secondly, I will probably never be as dedicated to Jake as that person – and me saying I love Jake as much as she does doesn't do her justice. At all.

Somewhere in there I make sense, so just read between the lines.

Happy weekend, everyone!

#6: Tumblah

2010-05-07T16:50:00.007+08:00

Day 06 – Whatever tickles your fancy

I feel like pimping my Tumblr, so I will pimp my Tumblr, because that is what tickles my fancy. So – paint my face and call me sunshine.

I feel like I have to explain why my Tumblr is full of Jake instead of Kris. One, Jake to me is newer than Kris, so there are more pictures of Jake that I haven't seen than Kris pictures. Two, there is basically no more space in my laptop, at all, for saving Jake pictures. And so I post them on my Tumblr so they're accessible to me when I need them. (Also, he's a pretty sight, isn't he?) Three, there is no online gallery of Kris pictures that is as extensive as my personal collection. Not even close. So I really have nothing to reblog because I've seen it all before. And four, Jake has a lot of pretty pictures. I'm not saying Kris doesn't either, because he's got a lot, but seriously. Jake. Exhibit A. Exhibit B. Exhibit C. I can do the entire freakin' alphabet.

Kris is always my number one. I'd never compare Kris and Jake because I love them in different ways. Jake's just new to me so it's exciting and... new.

PS: Zero told me that in Ned Kelly, Heath Ledger's character said that his dad called him sunshine. I've never seen Ned Kelly and I've never heard of that quote, so it's entirely coincidental.

And, yes. I haven't forgotten about Heath and I still love him to pieces. I got lots of love.

Have you guys been checking out Geese, by the way? I update that monster errday.

#5: About the world

2010-05-06T22:25:00.003+08:00

Day 05 – Your favorite quote

I found this a little bit hard because when people ask me this, I really don't know what to answer. I never really come across inspirational quotes. The quotes I'm familiar with flew out of the mouths of people whose interviews I'd been following obsessively.

So I don't know very many quotes, and the ones I do know came from interviews, or movies, or songs, or books, or whatever.

But the first thing that comes to my mind when I hear the words "favorite quote" is this:

"The same. Some good, some bad, but what a great place."

This probably isn't necessarily my favorite quote, but it really speaks to me. Because when I read this quote, I found out how true it is. For me, anyway, because... the world may be crappy sometimes and sometimes it's the most beautiful place ever, but it's... this is life. This is where life is. I'm not canceling out the possibility of life on other planets, but this is the life I know and the life I have and the life I live with everybody else. And it's a great place. It's an amazing place, really.

I guess that makes no sense, by the way, that quote, so I should probably complete that:

Q: "How do you view the world now, after winning American Idol?"

A: "The same. Some good, some bad, but what a great place."

Those words came out of the mouth of Kris Allen, by the way. Surprise surprise.

Other contenders:

"This is where I often drown, and sink and float, and sink and float."

"When you reach for the stars, you may not get them, but you won't come up with a handful of mud, either."

"Well, they say it right when they flood the house and they tear it to shreds that, like, uh... destruction is a form of creation, so the fact that they burn the money is ironic. They just wanna see what happens when they tear the world apart. They want to change things."

That last one was from Donnie Darko by the way, spoken by Donnie himself.

Tell me your favorite quote, and tell me some you think would send me into some sort of hippie awakening.

#4: Reading the news! Again?

2010-05-05T21:43:00.002+08:00

Day 04 – Your favorite book

My favorite book is Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, written by JK Rowling. I just loved it. I love how Jo writes and I love the plot of this book and I just loved everything about it. I don't even have a lot to say right now because I just really, really loved everything.

And yes, that is where this post ends.

Other contenders:

The rest of the Harry Potter series.

What's your favorite book? :)

Manille

2010-05-05T15:06:00.002+08:00

Yesterday was something else.

I was woken up (note how I never say, "I woke up", because I never really do wake up, I'm always woken up) at six or seven in the morning. Either one of the two. I guess it really doesn't matter because those times don't exist to me anymore, since I am always asleep on those times during the summer. Six and seven AM are actually closer to the time I sleep than the time I wake up.

Anyway, we went to the Department of Foreign Affairs to renew our passports. Mine has been expired for two years, apparently. And it took a really long time. Six hours. It was insane. At some point all I was doing was sitting down on a chair in a room full of people, and I was reading a Candle Beck Sherlock Holmes fic on my iPhone. And I now have the worst picture ever in my passport. Seriously.

We were at the DFA building from, like... 8AM to 2PM. And it was dramatically uneventful.

We got back home at almost-3PM, because the DFA is sort of far away. I had a little while to change out of my dress and into something more concert-friendly because Matt and I were going to watch the Allison Iraheta show in a place unfamiliar to the both of us.

And it was an amazing time.

The show was supposed to start at 5PM, but by the time 5PM rolled around, nothing was happening. There was just a crowd of people waiting for something that was taking a really, really long time to arrive. Matt and I stood in our places, thirsting and annoying everybody around us, which for some reason always happens every time I go to a show. Matt ended up buying us soda to-go from a restaurant because we were that thirsty. (And those drinks were ridiculously overpriced, by the way).

And there was this thing playing on the screen. Something about texting a certain number reasons why you and your friend should meet Allison. So Matt and I came up with all sorts of crap about how we watched her every week on Idol, and how he even tried to buy tickets to a live show even though he lives in the Philippines, and how we cried when we found out she was coming here. We weren't picked to meet her (I don't think anyone was – it was probably just a scam) but it was a good time. Also a waste of Matt's cell phone credits.

By the time our cell phones said it was 6PM, nothing was happening still. I was beginning to think that Alli died and that this was all just a plot to kill us all unless we were voting for a certain president during the elections.

But anyway...

The people who were hosting the event came out at around 6:30 and they had some sort of game thing where they ask people questions about Alli and then they win prizes. It was hilarious and so, so very stupid. There was this question that was like, "What popular TV show did Allison Iraheta come from?" and I shouted out America's Best Dance Crew because it was just so obvious. Duh.

And then when all that ended, Allison came out! And it was just her and the stage – not even a band or a guitarist. She was singing over the studio versions of her songs, just that the recordings had her voice edited out. It was a little bit of a letdown, that she didn't have a live band or a guitarist with her, but her voice was just freakin' otherworldly. She is such a goddess. She is so amazing live, seriously, even better than in studio recordings. At one point she went down the stage and went near where Matt and I were staying and I accidentally slapped a girl in the face trying to reach Alli. Oops.

When the show ended, there was another interview bit and it was fun. Alli talked a little bit basically about how being gay was okay and I flailed everywhere. And then the hosts announced that the first one hundred people to buy her CD in the booth will have them signed by Allison herself. Matt bought a CD but I didn't because I didn't have enough money to.

Anyway, Matt bought Just Like You and he was handed a little card thing that said he was the 142nd person to buy the CD. For a while we worried about him not getting to meet Alli because he wasn't part of the first hundred, so we wrote our Twitter accounts on a piece of paper and told her to Tweet us some time because we braved security guards for her. And then we spent a great deal of time making up stories to tell the guard so he'd let us meet Alli without stubs. (The story is a little offensive and involves touchy subjects (nothing like racism or homophobia or anything, you guys know me) and it's really funnier if you hear how convincing we say it, so I won't type that story down here).

Matt got to meet her though! And he got a picture with her and he handed her our piece of paper and I saw her mouth shift to a shape that looked like she was thanking him but some arse next to her quickly whisked the paper away and probably threw it into a pile of things that would be later on dumped into a trash bin. I should probably add that Matt has no recollection of what he told Alli, but he does have a picture with her and an autographed CD and a memory he'd probably tell his grandchildren while they watch the 226th season of American Idol.

Shortly after Matt, she signed a couple CDs and then she finished, and then I got to have a little conversation with her that went like this:

Me: ALLI! ALLI!

Allison: [looks around, spots the source of voice, waves a little] Hey!

Me: I loved your cover of "Scientist!" WITH KRIS!

Allison: Thank you so much!

And of course I talk to Allison and somehow find a way to squish Kris into it. But I really did love their cover and she sounded so incredible in it, like always. And she was genuinely such a kind and grateful person. She kept thanking everybody and she was always smiling and she really looked like she was so, so happy to be here.

And I guess that ends me and Matt's Alli Iraheta experience.

I should probably add the fact that people freaking followed her to the bathroom and hovered outside of it and she had to be escorted out by police to start signing.

And then Matt and I got back into the car and tried to get McDonald's, except the first McDonald's we went to was very populated and quite creepy so we went to another one which kind of took an hour. And then he dropped me off home.

I had a pretty eventful Tuesday. Good times. And I'm so happy that I experienced it with Matt because I can't think of anybody else I'd like to go through that with.

And by the way.

If ever anybody wants to go to Robinson's Place Manila, it's actually an okay place. Sort of. Not the best place to be in, but not the worst.

And everybody listen to Allison Iraheta! You seriously will not regret it.

Tell me about your Tuesday, if you want to.

#3: I can't think of a three

2010-05-04T22:43:00.005+08:00

Day 03 – Your favorite television program

My favorite television program is Skins.

One, because it is British.

Two, because the acting is just superb, and so is the dialogue and the entire story and everything was just pieced so well together.

Three, the first two seasons (which are the only Skins I've watched so far because I think those two seasons are the only ones that matter) seriously changed the way I look at things.

And four, it has an incredible soundtrack.

I've cried to this series and laughed because of it and shifted to California time because of it and my bedtime was pushed to five in the morning everyday.

I'd love to ramble about this show more, so I'll edit this tomorrow. I promise. Right now I need to sleep, because I've had a busy day, but I didn't want to throw things off-balance so I forced myself to update. Three cheers for responsibility.

And PS: The title of this entry is a quote said by Tony in the finale of season two. I found it applicable. And sort of witty. Shutting up now.

ADDED ON MAY 5, 2010:

Skins is just it for me. It really goes somewhere Gossip Girl, or any other show, wouldn't even dream of going. Skins is a lot to take in and sometimes I didn't even know whether I should cover my eyes or just keep watching.

I did keep watching, though.

That's all I have to say about Skins, I guess. It's just really, really amazing, and it takes up 6GB on my laptop and I don't even mind. And that's saying a lot.

#2: Oh, no dice, grandma

2010-05-03T16:50:00.002+08:00

Day 02 – Your favorite movie

This is really obvious.

My favorite movie is, and will be for a really long time, Donnie Darko. It was Titanic for a lengthy while and Darko has finally dethroned it.

I don't remember how I got into Darko. I just remember that I did and that I'm very glad I did. It's just my kind of movie. Time travel has always fascinated me and I love things that never look the same twice. Darko is sort of like a painting whose artist invisibly adds colors to everyday. Every time I watch it, I can't tell if I understand it more more or if I understand it less.

I take the movie way too seriously but it's actually something that lets me overthink, which is a hobby I've grown to love and subconsciously do. There's just so much to think about, and this movie is just question upon question and every answer is in the movie and the viewer has to be the one digging for answers.

Darko just allows so much theories and there's never going to be a "right theory" because it's just so open to interpretation. And not in a way that there are so many holes that you have to fill – there are so many holes that you have to fill with cement that the movie already provides. It isn't a lazy film. Richard Kelly, the director, didn't say Darko is open to interpretation because he, the writers, the actors, and the entire production crew couldn't even be bothered to think of answers and would much rather the audience did all the work. No. There's just so much ways to explain it, and viewers will come to their own conclusions.

I have my own theories on Darko. I've given it way too much time and too much thought, and I've formed my own story with it. In that way, Darko is sort of my movie. That's the thing with it. You can kind of personalize it, and overthink it, and it isn't the same movie for everyone watching it.

I guess it's so special to me because Donnie is just something else for me. Something completely different. It's like I see him, and I can see his thoughts, and I know what's going on in his head and I'm either his girlfriend or his mother or a stranger who passed by him on the sidewalk one day.

Darko is sort of my baby. I know it's a cult classic but I really like how not a lot of people love it, even thought it deserves a lot more. It's just small and secret and personal like that.

So yeah. Donnie Darko is my favorite movie.

Other contenders for favorite movie:

1. Titanic

2. Bubble Boy

3. The Dark Knight

I bought two men's magazines today: GQ and Nylon. The Nylon for guys.

I have a good excuse though. Jake was on the cover of GQ and G Way was on the cover of Nylon. So there.

I imagine it might have been a little alarming when I handed them to my dad to pay for, though.

What's your favorite movie? Have a great week, everyone!

#1: Stained our dresses

2010-05-02T00:42:00.004+08:00

Day 01 – Your favorite song

My favorite song right now is "A Beautiful Mess" by Jason Mraz and this has been my favorite song for a while now. There are three versions of this song that I listen to, and these three are the ones that come We Sing. We Dance. We Steal Things. and A Beautiful Mess... Live on Earth. One is the studio version, one is the Live on Rainy Jane version, and the other is the one live on Earth one, which I think is my favorite.

I've loved Jason Mraz since 2007 but I stopped listening to him for a while – and then I started listening to him again last year, because of the AI fandom. "If It Kills Me" is considered the most Kradam song of all time by a lot of people, and I just love the Rainy Jane version of that song so, so much.

But anyway, this is about "A Beautiful Mess." This song just hits me, all the time. There is so much put into that song and so much to be taken from it. Personally every time I hear Mraz hitting the clouds with "here we are," I am just sent bawling and breathing in deeply because here we freakin' are, y'know?

One of my favorite things is feeling like I'm really, really alive and I get that from this song.

So yeah. Everyone should check that out.

Bet you guys thought I'd talk about a Kris song, didn't you? If I had to pick my favorite Kris song it would be Wastin' Time, I think, or Falling Slowly, or his recent cover of The Scientist with Allison Iraheta, or Send Me All Your Angels.

... Or anything he's ever sung in his life, really.

Oh, and other contenders, all of which I very highly recommend:

"It's All Over" - Broken Family Band

"Head Over Heels" - Tears for Fears

"The Way I Am" - Ingrid Michaelson

"I Just Love You (Five for Fighting Cover)" - Adam Lambert

Entire Brand New Shoes album - Kris Allen (I'm cheating, I know.)

"Slide" - Rosi Golan

"Edge of Desire" - John Mayer

"Forbidden Friendship" - John Powell

"She Moves in Her Own Way" - The Kooks

"Death on the Stairs" - The Libertines

"Time to Pretend" - MGMT

"Hannah" - Robert Downey Jr

"Unwritten" - Natasha Bedingfield (I don't care how old this song is, it's freakin' amazing.)

How uncool do I look now that everything I suggested are mostly big-name people? I'm not in the mood for recommending indie songs that I want to listen to just to look cool. I am an indie baby more than anything, though, just that all the songs that claw at my heart are sort of... mainstream people. What does that have to do with how good their music is, though?

Anyway, new Geese post! Make your way to it over here.

Tell me what your favorite song is. :)

Tumblr on Blogspot

2010-05-01T22:25:00.003+08:00

I got this from Tumblr, but I don't really Tumble, so I'm putting this here.

So here is the 30-Day Challenge.

Day 01 — Your favorite song
Day 02 — Your favorite movie
Day 03 — Your favorite television program
Day 04 — Your favorite book
Day 05 — Your favorite quote
Day 06 — Whatever tickles your fancy
Day 07 — A photo that makes you happy
Day 08 — A photo that makes you angry/sad
Day 09 — A photo you took
Day 10 — A photo of you taken over ten years ago
Day 11 — A photo of you taken recently
Day 12 — Whatever tickles your fancy
Day 13 — A fictional book
Day 14 — A non-fictional book
Day 15 — A fanfic
Day 16 — A song that makes you cry (or nearly)
Day 17 — An art piece (painting, drawing, sculpture, etc.)
Day 18 — Whatever tickles your fancy
Day 19 — A talent of yours
Day 20 — A hobby of yours
Day 21 — A recipe
Day 22 — A website
Day 23 — A YouTube video
Day 24 — Whatever tickles your fancy
Day 25 — Your day, in great detail
Day 26 — Your week, in great detail
Day 27 — This month, in great detail
Day 28 — This year, in great detail
Day 29 — Hopes, dreams and plans for the next 365 days
Day 30 — Whatever tickles your fancy

I will start in the next post.

Duck, Duck, Goose

2010-05-01T00:58:00.003+08:00

I think I'm getting poetry back in my online blood now, and I bleed here.

Yes, I made another blog. It's where I get to practice the writer side of me. I am going to be very strict with myself and I am going to go out of my way to update that everyday, with metaphors and pretty words, and complete thoughts, and meanings.

I'm trying to decide whether or not I should translate Geese blog posts here. Because even though it might not look like it, it will be wendy has a meaning. Maybe I'll just leave that for open interpretation – but if you want to know what was going on in my mind as I wrote that, feel free to ask me in a comment or in an @reply or wherever you please. I'd love to hear how you guys interpreted that entry, too, so leave a comment there. Or here, if you're too lazy to click.

Anyway, Geese doesn't mean I'm abandoning this blog at all. I love this little thing too much, and I've worked too hard to keep constantly updating this, so DPN is going nowhere. Nowhere but up, anyway.

I had a really tiring day today, by the way. I was woken up at six in the morning, after a four-hour slumber, and then we went off to my grandmother's place to watch a parade or something. Anyway, we stayed there for a really, really long time and my family and I just got back home a couple hours ago. I should really be asleep right now, and my eyes are actually kind of heavy, but my body rebels at stagnation.

Ah, Sherlock.

Erk's coming over tomorrow and I'm going to make her watch Bubble Boy and Donnie Darko because I didn't watch both today. Today's actually the first day I didn't watch Bubble Boy since I first watched it is, which is April 24, I think.

And I'm watching Ironman 2 on Sunday, I think, or tomorrow evening. Well, it's 1AM so maybe later in the evening, I guess.

I can't believe it's May. A month left for summer and then I'm back in school. That sucks.

Anyway, I'm going to go now. Catching up with Kris news and then watching Jarhead first thing when I wake up.

Night, world.

Donald

2010-04-29T19:33:00.002+08:00

I've just finished watching Donnie for the fifth time, I think.

Every time I watch this movie, I really cannot tell whether I understand it a little bit more or a little bit less. My thoughts are always scattered after every time I watch this, like excited electrons or like a colony of ants fleeing. I always notice something new but then I begin to doubt something else.

Donnie Darko exists to mess with my mind.

But I am determined to understand this godsend of a movie.

I'm currently typing down my theory, actually, and it's nice because I'm just letting my fingers type and I find I have so much more questions that I haven't thought about. Some may even be questions I thought of just now. I guess that's the good side of accidental tangents. New thoughts.

BRB typing out my theory.

only burns when i breathe

2010-04-28T15:28:00.002+08:00

Recently I've been having trouble picking songs I want to listen to – and obviously for someone like me, for someone whose life basically revolves around sound and just freakin' music, this is a problem. I find I don't know what to listen to when I scroll through my iTunes. I find I don't even know what Kris song to turn to or if I can turn to him at all right now. (Not that I've been adoring him any less – it's just sometimes you have to look for something more than what you're used to).

So I'm watching movies. I am watching a lot of movies.

And I find that watching movies, for me, is not much a therapy, as music is to me, but more of a distraction. A space ship, sending me to a planet where it's just me and a bunch of other people who look to me to cry and laugh with them. Watching movies has always meant a lot to me and it's always something I've loved doing. It's nice to rediscover that now.

My last post on here talks a lot about Donnie Darko. I don't remember if I mentioned this but I guess it's fairly obvious that that movie sort of made me love Jake.

It's funny. Every summer I end up loving something from the UK (last summer: Harry Potter, Dan Radcliffe, and the Libertines; this summer: Skins) and actors (last summer: Dan Radcliffe, Johnny Depp; this summer: Jake Gyllenhaal). It's like something that's always going to repeat. I can't say I mind, and it's not exactly a routine, because there's still change in there somewhere. It's a nice balance for me because I do quite like change and I'm more comfortable with things I'm used to. What a tangent this turned out to be.

Anyway, I haven't watched Donnie in three days and I do feel bad about that. I just have so much movies to watch now. And I watched Bubble Boy! It's so incredible! And it's so ridiculously underrated! I've watched it four times in two days. I urge everybody to watch it. I don't know how IMDb rated that 5.8 stars. It's incredible, and I've turned into a harsh movie critic, so that's saying something.

Jake's really a great actor. Heath is always going to be my favorite, but Jake is right under him. Also, there are so many pretty Jake icons! I've been obsessed with saving icons. So far, for icons, I have folders for Jake, Heath, the HBIC Robert Downey Jr, and Leo diCap.

Anyway, here is a list of the movies I've been watching (in order):

1. Stepmom

When Ben says, "No one's ever going to love you like I do," it just automatically makes me bawl.

2. Donnie Darko

Amazing, favorite movie of all time, Donnie is my bb, I love Jake, everyone should watch this, et cetera.

3. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

Oh, I couldn't watch this movie properly. I watched it right after I watched Donnie with Zero and it just felt wrong to me. It's actually really funny but I couldn't laugh because my mind was so wrapped around Donnie. Alan Rickman and Zooey Deschanel are in it though!

4. The Day After Tomorrow

Well, it was entertaining, I guess. I think it would be a little desperate for me to even just call it a "good movie" just because Jake's in it. I admit I only watched it because of JGyll. He's so cute in it though. In a "come live in my pocket" way. But based on the plot and the way the movie went, it isn't going to leave you in your chair, completely amazed or anything. Donnie Darko will do that though.

5. Bubble Boy

HILARIOUS. SERIOUSLY. And so underrated. And it's so cute, and it's my third favorite movie ever, right under Donnie and Titanic. Everyone should watch this. Everybody's performances in this movie are outstanding, especially Jake. And he did this after Donnie. Imagine how different that must've been.

6. Zodiac

I found it way too long, and I seriously could not understand what was going on sometimes, and I wasn't very satisfied with the ending. RDJ and Jake both star in this movie, though, and all the actors in this movie gave very good performances. Except maybe Jake, because his character was supposed to be, like... this awkward and quiet sort of guy and I guess it's just part of Jake's nature to carry himself in a not-awkward and quiet way no matter what he does, but he did what he could, and he did a good job anyway. Not his best, but good.

7. Brothers

Intense. Freakin' intense. And Tobey Maguire is so incredible in this movie, and he definitely outshone everyone. I didn't know he had it in him! He's so much more than Spiderman. Also, Bailee Madison delivers a performance than exceeds her years in a good way. She was so, so incredible. Not the best movie I've ever watched, but some of the best performances definitely.

8. I'm Not There.

I'm currently watching this right now and I have to say I wish I could experience it better. The start was just so slow for me and I lost interest within the first twenty minutes, but it does get better as it goes on. Heath's in this movie and his scenes with his girl Claire are just wow, and Cate Blanchett is just brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. I love Jude's character.

Movies I have yet to watch but are on my list:

9. Less Than Zero

10. Kiss Kiss Bang Bang

11. Candy

12. Moulin Rouge!

Sorry I didn't provide summaries. I put their IMDb links in there, though.

Anyway, I'm going to return to my movie marathon now. Suggest movies if you want, or tell me your favorites. :) Have a happy week, everyone!

Darko

2010-04-22T22:08:00.002+08:00

What to say about the past few days, besides that I didn't follow through with the "stay positive for the rest of the week" thing at all...

It's been a weird week. On Monday I woke up to shirtless pictures of Kris in the Bahamas. I can honestly say the rest of that day was really good. Erk came over and we watched Diary of a Wimpy Kid with my siblings and it was fun. Zachary Gordon is also my future husband. He's twelve. And he's also really cute and I want him to live in my pocket.

I guess Tuesday is when the week started to take on a different tone. First off, Tuesday is when I first watched Donnie Darko and it is pretty much the best movie I've ever watched. I really, really, really urge you all to watch it, because it's so amazing. I can't get it out of my head and I've watched it everyday since.

Oh, Kris drama happened and usually the Internet is a pretty hard place for me to be in when that happens. Anybody who knows me at all knows very well that I do not handle that well. But it was different this time, because I could actually read everything. And I agree that it was a douchey thing to do. That doesn't mean I love him any less now, of course not, but it does mean that I can be honest with it. I know there's some "deeper meaning" in there somewhere but it's a good thing. I can deal with wank now. (I've always known how to anyway, I'm just stubborn and naïve. Not surprising.)

And then more drama happened on Wednesday, too! This one wasn't really as big a problem as the one before that. This one is mostly just an awkwardly worded statement of something that has been said by anybody who's ever had a fanbase at all. And I watched Donnie again on this day! With Zero, over Yahoo! Messenger. And then I tried to watch The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy with her too but I found it pretty hard to take seriously after watching Donnie. Donnie just sends my mind reeling and then I can't think of anything but it.

Thursday... Today's Thursday. I didn't really do anything interesting today – but then again, I never do. I woke up, tried not to use the Internet too much (and failed), watched half of Donnie with Zero again until I had to go to the gym, and then watched the rest of Donnie alone when I came back because Zero wasn't online anymore.

Tomorrow is Friday and I'm supposed to be going out with friends, but we didn't plan very well but I think it'll pull through anyway just because we're good at stuff like that. I'm going to take that back if I just end up sitting here the entire day. I also still have French homework to do, which I should really get onto doing...

Oh, today, the news came out that John Mayer's concert in Manila is moved to October 1! That sucks! I know Zero was really looking forward to it. It was supposed to be on May 16 and we already got our tickets. It would be understandable if it was a family thing or a conflict in schedule (there is none, by the way, I checked) or something equally reasonable. If he blew Manila off for a waxing appointment, though, I have just one thing to say –

Not cool.

Have a good week, everyone! Feel free to tell me how your week went, I'd love to read that. And tell me what you guys think of Donnie Darko. Because I think I'm going to watch that for the rest of my life now.

Shane's Positivity Challenge: Day 1 of 7

2010-04-18T03:15:00.004+08:00

In this video, besides being ridiculously hilarious, Shane gave his viewers a challenge.

Be positive for one whole week.

This is something I want to try not because Shane said so, but because I want to see if I can find something to be positive about everyday. If I have a hard time then that means I'm not being very optimistic these days, and that would mean I'm not living my life the way I want to. I try to live on the brighter side of the sunbeam.

It's 3:20 AM as I type this and therefore Sunday, April 18 already, but I'm going to treat it like April 17.

One positive thing about my life is the people in it.

I love my family. My parents are just so perfect for me. They're not flawless human beings. There are enough times in the past to prove that. But they are exactly what I need. My siblings are great, too, and I couldn't be happier with my extended family. I love my family and I wouldn't trade them for any other family in the world.

And, of course, I love my friends. They are so good to me. My really, really close friends are there for me and most of them know what to tell me to make me feel better. My friends are the best people ever to laugh with and I just have such a good time with them.

And, strangely, I love the strangers, too. Faces I see on the road when the tint of a car isn't very dark. The people I pass on the corridors at school. The people who live on my street. The salesladies and salesmen who sell me the things I buy. The people who follow me on Twitter.

I love the people in my life because they've taught me a lot and they've given me so much without even knowing it. I form stories in my head based on strangers, and I lose my breath from laughing too hard with my friends, and I feel so warm and comfortable with my family. I'm very lucky to know the people I do and to be alive with the population of this planet right now.

So there. One positive thing in my life is the people who are in it, one way or another.

What about you, dear reader? What's something positive about your life?

I have found the existence of fun homework.

2010-04-16T22:44:00.003+08:00

I have a lot of homework this summer.

Weird, I know.

I had my first French class last Saturday (and my second one tomorrow – I am beyond excited) and the teacher gave us nine pages of homework in a language I am not fluent in. French is the most elegant language ever, in my opinion, and I was pretty enthusiastic to do it. (I actually planned on doing homework. That's enthusiasm to me.)

My dad's also giving me and my siblings photography classes. I had the first one today. My dad's a very good teacher. And he also gives homework due at the end of the day, before we go to bed. We were assigned to take three themed pictures, applying the things he taught us today. As in:

The keys to a good photograph are:

having a theme
emphasizing the theme
simplifying the picture (I was going to explain this but I tried to and it turned out to be long so I deleted it because I'm lazy)

I'm done with both French and photography homework, by the way.

I just thought I'd talk about it.

Truthfully?

2010-04-15T15:41:00.001+08:00

I find myself wondering if there is anybody at all who knows how to talk to me anymore.

I miss my best friend.

Erk, you need to come over really soon.

The Room Where the Light Don't Find Me

2010-04-14T23:19:00.003+08:00

This is going to be a wordspill entry, except I won't do it in white and then check it later. I'll just type and type until I feel like I've gotten it all out.

I'm thinking too much. I'm thinking too much again – so much that now I have nothing to type because it's all in my head and I can't remember what to write and I don't know where to begin and I just hate this. This is a very confusing time in my life because I don't know what's happening and I don't know where everything is going. But I still know who I am.

I've had people tell me that I don't know myself yet, and that I'll find that out later. The thing with me is that I know exactly who I am and who I'm not. I have the reasons to everything and they aren't excuses. I know myself more than everybody thinks I do. I know who I am and I'm sure of it.

I don't feel like going on and on about who I am because I don't know all there is to know about me (who does?) and I'm not the kind of person to talk about just myself.

I just feel like there are a lot of things changing. Like "walkalators" in airports. You just stand and everything else is moving around you but you, because you're just standing and something is bringing you from one side to one side for you. That's sort of what this feels except everything is sort of a blur and there is nothing visible ahead.

I don't know where I'm going. And I don't know what's taking me there. And I feel like I can't look back because I'm too busy worrying about what's in front of me because I can't see anything, and I like to be sure of where I'm headed.

I feel like I'm changing too much, in pieces and I don't know if it's better to just go with it or to fight and go back to what I was comfortable with.

In other news, I have a lot French homework due in three days and I haven't done anything yet.

I don't know what else there is to say, now.

If you're up to it, please tell me how you're doing because I like to think that all my readers are doing well.

And if you're up to it too, and I really hope you are, download this. It's Kris doing a cover of "Everybody Wants to Rule the World" by Tears for Fears. It's really good and I love the lyrics. So far this song has been the highlight of my week.

Homebodies, Somebodies

2010-04-09T17:05:00.002+08:00

I'm in that point in my life where I want something more.

I want big things. I want the littlest things that mean so much. I want cities and everything that comes with them. I want lights. I want to go out and see the world. I want to go out and have fun.

I'm a homebody. I love being home. I love just laying on my bed, not doing anything, really. When I don't know where to go, home is there. Home's where I go. Home is where I know who I am. And I love my home, I love being home.

But sometimes I just want something more. I don't know if this is me trying to see if I can be someone else, or if this is me wanting to be someone new, or if this is me just trying to change, like so many people around me. Like everybody, without knowing it.

There's just so much more out there and I hate being a little hermit crab who's grown too big for her shell but doesn't want to get out of it. I want to grow. I want to see new things and feel new things and do new crap. I don't want this "wake up, Internet, eat, Internet, sleep at 5" routine anymore. It's the same cycle everyday and I'm running out of things to do in something as big as the Internet.

I'm just getting a little bit tired, that's all. A little bit of everything. Anxious. Excited. Hopeful. Hopeless. I feel so backwards yet so old and wrinkly and gray.

How're you guys feeling? Better than I am, I hope. Have a good weekend, everybody.

bind your beautiful wrists

2010-04-07T02:58:00.006+08:00

List of Things I Have Been Up To – Sort of

1. Skins. First generation. I finished series 1 and 2 in two days, staying up 'til 5AM on both days. I haven't gotten to watching the third and fourth seasons yet. I'm too attached to Tony, Sid, Cassie, Chris, Chelle, Anwar, Maxxie, and Jal. Someone please convince me to watch the second generation.

2. How to Train Your Dragon. I went out with family tonight to watch How to Train Your Dragon and it's spectacular. Everyone should watch it. I can't get it out of my mind. Anyway, I downloaded the soundtrack, because there was this one scene wherein the background music was just... amazing. All instrumental, all orchestra, all strings singing. The piece is called "Forbidden Friendship," written by John Powell. I actually spent energy to search it on YouTube to embed it here so all of you could listen to it, because it's just that amazing.

3. I've been feeling a little bit out of it recently. Maybe it's because I have such a screwed up sleeping pattern. Bed at four or five in the morning and then waking up at eleven, taking no naps in between. But, really, I haven't been feeling like myself. Can't remember what it was like to feel like myself. I'm not sure if I went through some phase in my life and I didn't notice or if I just feel a little weird and emotion today. Either way around, it's change and I guess I could use a little bit of that.

4. Still needing to go to LA, still in Manila, still moping about it. It's come to the point that, when I'm in a car at night, I look out of the window and just focus on the lights and I listen to the songs I listened to when I was in States the last time. I'm trying to pretend that I'm there, and that's crossing the line, a bit, for me. I don't like pretending. It never works and it's tiring and it's just lying to myself. But I can't think of another way to cope with this.

5. Kris is still my favorite person in the world.

List of Things I Want to Tell a Very Specific Person Right Now

1. I may not be as vocal about it at times anymore and I may not be as dedicated (although, believe me, I try) but at the end of the day, all I want is a hug from you.

2. You are the only person who can tell me "Everything's going to turn out fine" and have me believe.

3. I love a lot of people and I feel a lot of things but... you ever watched Skins? That scene where Sid sort of tells Cassie that sunshine reminds him of her? That's sort of how this is.

4. When everything's done, when I'm done whining, when I'm done being happy, when I'm just tired, it's you. It's just always you who takes that away from me, and it's the walls and the ceiling and it's just everything. The sunshine, the moonlight, the gravity, whatever the hell there is. It's just you.

5. I love you. I just love you.

Lately

2010-04-01T22:00:00.003+08:00

Lately, I've been missing LA a lot.

It's getting really depressing, actually. It's also getting really hard to talk about so I'll just keep it in my head.

What do you guys miss? What's one thing that meant so much to you that you don't have anymore?

I'm trying to get the deep sentimental blogger side of me out again but I just like the casual tone of this blog too much. Oh well. Thank you, guys, for sticking with me. I really, really appreciate it.

Little list thing

2010-03-29T21:31:00.002+08:00

Found this on Tumblr. Felt like doing it.

FIVE things you wish you could say to FIVE different people right now:

1. I'm done with you. I'm sick of trying. Bye.

2. I love you so stupidly.

3. I miss you sometimes.

4. Sorry I'm not asleep yet. :(

5. Can't wait to plan with you tomorrow! We'll have an amazing time.

TEN things about yourself:

1. My real name is actually Mint. I'm not actually kidding or anything. That's what people call me in real life. I get weird look from Starbucks baristas, but it's true. It's really Mint.

2. I'm a writer and I play guitar. When I put those two together, I'm a musician.

3. I met Kris Allen on February 6, 2010. Best fifteen seconds of my life.

4. I cry every time I watch Titanic. Every freaking time.

5. My favorite time of day is 4AM. I miss when I could stay up that late. Lately I've been pretty sleepy.

6. I hate it when people try to use big words just for the sake of showing off vocabulary. It sounds forced and it looks stupid.

7. I'm convinced that my favorite color has no name. I've been told it's teal, but personally I think that word isn't worthy of that color.

8. I'm saving up for a digital camera.

9. I love Shane Dawson. He would be second on my Favorite People list.

10. I have the weirdest iTunes ever.

SEVEN ways to win your heart:

1. Have a sense of humor.

2. Be a proper gentleman.

3. Have a taste in music that agrees with mine.

4. Teach me new things.

5. Be willing to do whatever with me, regardless of what people think of us.

6. Read. Write. Have an artistic mind. Love the English language as I do.

7. Treat me right. Be there for me, love my family, love my friends, don't keep secrets from me, cry in front of me without having to apologize. All that crap.

SEVEN things that cross your mind a lot:

1. The future! I'm excited.

2. Chord diagrams, sheet music, the exact feel of guitar strings against my fingertips. Music in general.

3. My friends, of course. And how lucky I am to have them.

4. Kris freakin' Allen. That douche, how dare he take up so much space in my head.

5. Uh, Shane. I may or may not want his life.

6. Plots for stories. Ideas for stuff.

7. Pictures. Of random stuff. Mostly of my future room.

FOUR things you do before you fall asleep:

1. Brush my teeth.

2. Say goodnight to my parents.

3. Tweet goodnight, check time, shut down laptop.

4. Think. Endlessly think.

FOUR things you see right now:

1. My gorgeous MacBook.

2. My... five pillows.

3. My pretty Disney princesses comforter and bedsheet.

4. My sleeping siblings.

THREE songs that you listen to often:

1. "Edge of Desire" by John Mayer

2. "Falling Slowly/With or Without You (Live in The Vineyard)" - Kris Allen

3. "Death on the Stairs" - The Libertines

TWO things you want to do before you die:

1. Be able to say I did everything I've always wanted to do, and mean it.

2. Be happily married.

You guys should do it, too, if you like. I'm looking forward to your answers. :)

It's 1:02AM right now and I'm still not asleep. Honestly, I don't want to sleep. I've been trying to adjust to LA time. It isn't working so far, but it'll get there. I'm in love with the early AM times. Not sure why or when it started, but I love being up at these times, even when I'm not doing anything.

For now, I'm about to head to bed. Goodnight, world. Love from 1:06.

Updeet

2010-03-28T13:15:00.004+08:00

Well, hello from the blogger, the sun, the earphones, et cetera.

I don't have a lot to talk about right now, to be honest.

My family and I went to Tagaytay and we spent two nights in Highlands. If you follow me on Twitter, you would've seen me Tweeting from there. The thing about that place is that there is Internet everywhere – in the restaurant, in the lobby of the clubhouse, in yet another restaurant, in the lobby of the spa lodge, everywhere. Everywhere but Belle View, which is where we stayed.

Those three days were great. It was really calming, actually. The things I saw there were just spectacular and perfect.

And I suffered for three days, trying to write. I had (and still have) this idea for a story in my head and I would just sit in one place with my hand poised and ready to write and nothing would come out. At all. I did this over and over again in the three days we were there and I just... could not write.

I have this thing with writing. I'm terrified of getting the start wrong on the first try. It has to bleed out of my hand naturally or else it's wrong. It's really frustrating. The good news is I know how to start it now, and I know how to write it and I might even finish it tonight if luck and focus are on my side today.

Another thing I really hate about myself is how I associate feelings with settings. It helps me with writing, I think. I might have used it subconsciously, as in, matched the environment with the mood I was trying to put across. But in real life, it really, really sucks. If any of you ever read my diary, you would look at me in a whole new light. It's full of whining about setting and places and times.

Here's the thing. I always connect feelings with places. Always. If I want to feel a certain kind of way, I have to be in the place I first felt that feeling in. It's so stupid and I hate it and I waste a lot of time whining about how I should be somewhere or do something to feel content with my life instead of just making do with what I have. It isn't easy for me to just go to places, being fourteen. And it isn't something I could just tell myself to stop doing, because, I don't know... It's sort of built-in in me. It's almost like I'm programmed to think this way.

Wow, this is a lot of whining for one post. I'm almost considering not posting this at all, but, hey, we all have things we hate about ourselves. These two things are a couple things I hate about myself, and since I've shared, I want to hear what you guys hate about yourselves.

Also, Zero told me to listen to this band called Athlete. They're really good. I can't say that I have a favorite song by them yet, but they're excellent music to write to. Their music doesn't demand your attention, so it's easy to write to. For me, at least. So check 'em out, they're pretty good.

And, finally, something to entertain everybody! Shane Dawson (who I am currently obsessing over) put up a new video last night. It's a spoof of "Telephone" by the goddess Lady Gaga, who is apparently celebrating her birthday today. Happy birthday, Lady G!

But anyway, here is the spoof. You all will love it.

If you have a YouTube account, favorite it, rate it five stars, et cetera. If you don't, just watch it over and over again, send it to your friends, Tweet the link, all that advertising crap. I don't know why I'm pimping him out so much. He really doesn't need it. I don't know, I guess I just want to give back to him. He's taught me a lot.

Anyway, in case the question drowned somewhere in the mass of paragraphs, here it is again:

What do you hate about yourself? Or, in less harsh words, what do you want to change about yourself?

Whatever it is, I know you guys can change for the better. I totally believe you guys can be whatever you want to be. Yes. I am a living, breathing, walking Hallmark card. This is how I roll.

And again, thank you for reading this. Like, sincerely, from the bottom of my heart, I thank you, whoever you are, for reading the crap I put on here. You guys are the best and I hope you all have an amazing weekend.

86,400 seconds multiplied by 2 months

2010-03-22T19:33:00.004+08:00

I've literally had the "New Post" window open since I woke up, which was nine hours ago, and I don't really know what to talk about, so I'll just keep going until I land somewhere, I guess.

Today is the third day of summer for me, and a lot of people I know are saying that their summers have been boring so far.

But I'm seriously having the time of my life.

And I'm not even doing anything. I'm just home, all the time, using my laptop, type type typing away and watching Shane be a perv and generally be stupid for hours on end. I go to sleep pretty early for a summer day but I like it. I like sleeping whenever I want to, and because I feel like sleeping. Last night I actually almost got ten hours of sleep, which is so weird to me now, because I haven't even had eight hours of sleep in a really, really long time. Literally.

I guess it's just that I'm so in love with the idea of summer. Waking up knowing that I can do anything I feel like doing and going to sleep not feeling like I have to get up early in the morning to go through eight hours of hell with a side dish of unfinished homework. It's no secret that I love sunshine. I love traveling, I love beaches, I love reading... I love having the time to do everything I want to.

So there. I'm not doing anything life-changing or "fun" based on high school standards, I guess. I'm not even going out or seeing friends. Summer is my me time. 98% of the time I'd really just rather chat with everyone because I feel like summer is the two months in every year that I can actually call mine.

But I get to do everything I want to. I want to stay up and watch Once, so I do. I get sleepy, so I go to sleep. I sit on my butt and watch Shane play dress up. I sit here and "save to Downloads" every bit of Kris media I can get my hands on. Because that's what I want to do.

The day before summer started I was thinking about doing everything I did last summer. Read Harry Potter, watch Johnny Depp movies, go on MuggleNet, watch Dan Radcliffe interviews, do surveys on Multiply. At the first day of summer I actually went to the spot on the couch that I spent most of last year's summer on. I went to the dentist listening to the band I was obsessed with last summer. It's that thing I do where I associate feelings to places and times.

And I still do that, but today it occurred to me that it wasn't those things that made last year's summer so incredible for me. It was just that I had a lot of time and I knew what to do with it. I did everything I wanted to do. It wasn't because I listened to the Libertines and that's why I had such an amazing summer. It was because I wanted to listen to them and I did.

I'm not spending this summer trying to do the things I did last summer that don't just... spark for me anymore. I'm not going to read Harry Potter just because I feel like I have to. I'm going to read Harry Potter because I want to.

I guess that's all I'm trying to say today. Dear reader, it is summer and you have all the time to do whatever the hell you want to do. The world is yours.

I know I still owe you guys entries (which I have started on today but I kept it in my drafts) but I felt this was more important.

So here are this entry's question:

What are you doing with your summer? How are you making the most of your time?

Thank you, guys, again for sticking with me. You people rule.

Reveling in energy

2010-03-21T15:28:00.006+08:00

This is going to be another unorganized post.

I think I've been making a lot of these lately. Little... big. Big. Not little. Big entries that are just the accumulations of my thoughts. This is a blog, though, and my initial intention with this blog was to just... say what I wanted to say. Somehow it turned out to be a place where I have to be all deep and sentimental and... doused in the light of a hippie awakening or some crap I don't even know.

I've been obsessing over Shane Dawson lately. That guy is my favorite YouTuber of all time (until Kris starts vlogging on there, I guess). My friend Gabin actually introduced me to him and I am forever grateful, because... seriously. Shane's got me laughing and crying with him. He's absolutely hilarious and he talks about important stuff, too, and he isn't afraid to show who he is. And he's an incredible actor.

You can watch his videos here and his vlogs here.

Having said that, I'm thinking of starting a vlog, except I am not nearly pretty enough to have my face on YouTube. Also, I am much more comfortable and articulate when I type. But who knows? I've always wanted to make vlogs and stuff, so I might, some time this summer just because I want to, but not as a full-time thing. I'm a blogger. Not a YouTuber.

Maybe I'll record a little something for this blog and its readers when this blog hits, like... A hundred followers? A thousand profile views? I don't even know. Both of those sound pretty impossible.

I am totally not ruling out audio blogs, though. Maybe I'll start a podcast this summer! A little place where I literally talk about stuff and let you guys listen to snippets of songs I like. That actually sounds pretty cool.

Anyway, I think this is one of the most casual entries I have on here. I think that's a good thing. This is everyday me, like... This is how I talk in real life. No big words or pretty, poetic sentences.

So here's another side of me.

Oh, I just remembered I owe my readers entries! About sudden surges of affection and how my weekend last Saturday went. I might squish that into the next entry so look out for that.

I'm going to steal something from Mr. A-Z and practice gratitude, because I have everything to thank for everything. I want to start with thank you, dear readers, for sticking with me and reading my crap. ♥

I learned from Shane Dawson, and I want this blog to be a little more interactive, I guess. I want to hear from you guys, the people who read this.

After every entry, I'm going to leave you guys a question to answer. It's cool if you don't want to answer, but it'd be even cooler if you did.

So, here are this entry's questions:

What is something you have always wanted to do, but felt something was stopping you from doing it? Who do you need to thank today, and what for? Tell me in the comments box, let me read your words!

Industrial

2010-03-21T02:13:00.004+08:00

I'm wondering when I can start doing my parents' business reports or something. My dad said he'd pay me for it, and I need that money. I actually need to earn money this summer. I need to learn how to live like an independent. I'm serious. I haven't bought anything for myself with my own money in over a year. Besides food.

Plus, I need to go summer shopping. I also need to buy books and CDs. The ultimate goal here is a digital camera, though. I need one of those.

Actually, no. I can tell myself to save up all I want but I'll just end up buying CDs. CDs are the only exceptions to everything.

I went to the city today. Well, I do live in a city, but I went to another one, where business thrives more. The city I live in is more like a place for houses and schools and all that crap. I might not have worded that correctly but the point is the city I went to is more on the business side of things.

I love it there. It's like the Philippines' own little New York. Almost.

Today I spent majority of the morning trying to go back to sleep. I got out of bed after, like... two hours of trying and then I just used my laptop and tried to catch up with Kris media that I've missed for two weeks. That's probably the hardest thing about being a stan. Catching up.

Especially when that person I stan had suddenly become particularly active on the week of my finals.

Anyway, I spent an hour at the dentist. My braces are now purple. That's the first time I've changed the color of my braces since December.

After going to the dentist, we went to this building where my parents have a condominium that they rent out to earn bonus money. Something like that. But anyway the rooms were pretty cool. My mom showed me around and the smell sort of hurt my nose because there were people painting the walls, so my mom's friend brought me to this little café just a couple buildings away.

I love cafés. I love the atmosphere in cafés. I just feel so calm in them. It's probably the smell of the coffee or the quietness of the place or something, but I just love how being in cafés makes me feel.

It feels like listening to Sleep All Day by JMraz at the beach.

Which I actually did last Saturday, March 13. I'll blog all about that when I wake up in the morning because I've been meaning to but I kept forgetting.

This is a really rambly and pointless entry, but I wanted to record how I spent the first day of my summer.

I vow to have the best summer of my life this year.

The Season of Sunshine

2010-03-20T20:10:00.002+08:00

This month, I welcome the season of sunshine with sunscreen, sunglasses and a sunsmile. And with that, I say:

Why, hello there, summer, how you doin'?

I had my last day of school yesterday. I didn't cry. Although I might when I realize that was the last day we'd ever be II-9. Last day we'd ever be in closed walls together as a class.

Anyway.

It's finally summer again! I've been looking forward to this for ten months. It's weird because now it doesn't feel like summer at all, but I guess it will when I start having normal sleeping patterns fit for this occasion.

By "when I start having normal sleeping patterns fit for this occasion," I mean, "when my mind realizes I am not a narcoleptic and I can stay up 'til 4 in the morning again."

As for now, that is not happening. This past month of school has given me very few sleeping opportunities. I slept anyway, but sleep is not the same when I know I should be awake. And every time I woke up I'd still be tired as crap anyway.

Moving on.

I finally time for everything I want to do. I have time to read, time to write, time to make music, time to discover new bands, time to watch (... and download) movies, time to have fun, time to not worry, time to waste time.

I have all the time in the world to feel really, really happy.

I was going to post all this other crap about what I'm gonna this summer, but I'll leave that for another entry.

For now, I have a gift for everybody! :)

My friend Ja Punzalan recorded a little something I think you all would love. You can download it

HERE.

It's him doing a cover Let It Be by the Beatles, except with no voice, since, according to him, it would ruin everything if he sang, so he did the melody with a guitar. That's all him, by the way, all those guitars, and I'm guessing he did the bass, too. Recorded on GarageBand.

Ja is one of the most talented people I know, and I am certain he'll be famous for this one day. Now I think you all should give him a chance and get to know him before he achieves international superstardom.

Personally I love his cover of it because I love all the layers. I love how he slowly put everything together, and I love all the little pieces that, all in all, make something complete and whole. I love how the guitar playing the melody is a voice in itself. I think this is pretty amazing, actually.

So you guys should give it a shot.

See ya.

I wish I were Hermes' daughter.

2010-03-14T11:22:00.002+08:00

Maybe then I'd get shoes with wings.

There are times when I just want to scratch myself out of my skin. This gets so tiring, sometimes. I have so many things to do and so little time and here I am, wasting every little second I get, trying to gather my thoughts.

I wish I knew how to shut down my mind. I wish my mind would listen when I tell it to shut up.

I don't want to screw things up. I don't want to screw anything up for them – and by saying this, I worry people will think I'm just trying to make people realize how "truly selfless and amazing" I am, but that's not it, that's not how I want people to interpret it. I don't care if the people I'm doing this for don't appreciate the effort I'm putting on this. I don't care if I don't get any "thank you"s. I don't care if people don't call me selfless or amazing. I don't care if people think this makes me a better friend or the best groupmate to have.

I only care for the fact that I'm doing something that will benefit someone in a good way – in this case, a good grade. That's all I want to do.

The finals are this week and they start on Tuesday. I have not begun studying yet.

The good thing is just five more days and this is all over.

The bad thing is I'm not sure if that's a good thing at all.